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Both Things Are True

Integrating Duality in Egypt 2006

 Those of us on a conscious Spiritual journey would probably agree that we have been stuck in a world of duality that sees itself through the collective consciousness as black or white/good or bad. Yet, deep inside our hearts we know that nothing is inherently good or bad because we see the world through different lenses.  We understand the value of lessons and are working very hard to shift the patterns in our DNA that keep us in judgment. And, yet they are there aren't they, our opinions and feelings about this thing or that person?

 As my travel coordinator Diane and I planned the Heartlights Spring 2006 journey to Egypt, we were guided to use the ancient funerary glyph seen all over our ancient homeland and often called 'The Weighing of the Heart' or 'The Judgment.'  The scene depicts the god Anubis leading the deceased into the underworld where the god Thoth (wisdom keeper) records the person's deeds and then the goddess Ma'at (truth) weighs the heart of this person against their deeds during their lifetime.  If their deeds prove heavy when weighed against their hearts, they must return again to the physical plane. If, on the other hand, the heart balances their deeds, the deceased moves on to dwell with Isis and Osiris into what we may call heaven or what they call the after life.  This seems to raise the question in our modern day world'what is the sacred truth of our deeds and who really is the judge? So we were guided to call our journey 'Revealing Your Sacred Truth.'

 After personally experiencing seven journeys to Egypt, there are two things I know for sure. The first is that minute you open the doorway for the journey, the Egyptian codes in your cellular memory light up and begin to pull towards you the many lessons and experiences that will best assist you in your healing.  Secondly, the name given to the journey becomes deeply personal and yet planetary also. Each person participating experiences what they need individually while at the same time the intention of the group affects planetary templates that are being activated within our own DNA as well as on different grid points on mother earth that we visit.

 That being said, I will begin my story of how I was able on a cellular level to experience some incredible duality and bring these seemingly opposites together as one integrated energy field in my heart. I feel the group accomplished this as well and yet each person in the group had a different experience and healing opportunity that contributed to the collective. Each person's experience is uniquely there own and I speak only of my experience and its healing affect on me thus universally as well.  We are truly all one.

 This was the first trip since l994 where I returned to Egypt as a single facilitator, without my long time journeying partner, Carol. To begin with I had told myself I was done with Egypt and had not returned since 2002. Yet, four years later, there was a ground swell of interest prompting me to lead an Egyptian journey one more time. So, I put it out there and low and behold, my soul knew it was just the ticket to my healing though my personality resisted.  Eleven of us boarded our flight on March 7t from Chicago O'Hare and our journey had begun.

 As I tuned into our journey, I felt that it was such a great group of conscious people that had gathered to experience the magic and discover their own sacred truth.  I knew in my heart that each one would be afforded the opportunity to heal their wounded hearts and open new doorways to expansion. I felt blessed by each person's presence and agreement to take this journey.  Egypt is powerful and mystical but she is also a hard taskmaster and can play havoc on any resistance she triggers.

 We had a terrific and somewhat easier flight than others I have experienced and arrived in Cairo to be greeted by the remains of an aggressive sand storm that had been plaguing the city for several days.  Arriving at the Mena House towards bedtime, we retired to our beautiful rooms with the energy of the Great Pyramid enfolding us. The next day we spent exploring Cairo and bonding as a group.

 The following day the wind had lessened leaving the air strangely brownish as sand particles lifted by the storm still lingered. So we headed up on the plateau to provide an opportunity for everyone to experience the great pyramid and sphinx close up and personal.  It was crowded with busloads of school kids and tourists everywhere and to me; it seemed busier and more chaotic than ever. Amidst the confusion, we walked around the circumference of the pyramid, visiting the solar boat museum while all the while fending off the hoards of vendors intent on selling us post cards, stamps, necklaces, miniature camels etc. While vendors are a common experience and can sometimes be annoying, this day our guide, Amro actually had to speak harshly to them. At one point a fight broke out between several vendors claiming us as their territory.

At one point, Diane and I went into a separate temple on the plateau where we encountered a guard who was very aggressive. It seemed the energy on the Plateau this day was, in general, aggressive and very male. Finally we arrived at Chephren, the second pyramid, which was open to the public that day and readied ourselves for the first of many pyramid experiences to come.

 We were discussing our first sacred ceremony outside the pyramid, as Amro was making sure we would have as quiet a time as possible.  As we finally entered the pyramid, a large group of adolescent boys were climbing the ramp to exit so I stayed far to the right allowing them space as we stooped down and began our long descent into the pyramid's belly.  The further into the pyramids we went, the louder and more congested the ramp became.  The boys were shouting and pushing, their testosterone running ramped.  It felt as if I was moving the group through a huge force of discordant and very masculine energy pushing against us as we stepped forward. Finally arriving at the mid-point where a chamber permitted us to stand erect, I waited as one by one my travelers emerged from the harrowing experience.  I have been in Chephren many times but never had such a discordant entry as this one was. As all eleven of us gathered in the chamber the noise receded out the exit and things quieted down as we caught our breaths and commented on our opening pyramid adventure.  

Next we climbed upwards into the burial chamber and emerged into a large, mostly dark room with a stone sarcophagus at the far end.  As the group gathered around me looking for direction a deep grief moved through my body.  My past partner, Carol, had usually led many of our rituals and the scenes of past trips ran through my memory bank. I just sat breathing deeply for a long time until I found my voice and began. In the end tears flowed and I felt both the joy of a new beginning and the grief of the loss of my friend. That was the beginning of my awareness that both things were true at the same time! I would soon come to understand the perfection of allowing the opposites to become real in my heart. I felt the magic release as goose bumps and healing began to become cellular. As it turns out, it would follow me through our journey.

 The next day our first stop was at the Temple of Saqqara which some say represents the throat charka.  There is a ceremony commonly done at this temple to activate the voice and open the throat.  I have a very easygoing way with ceremony and if the doors open for the group in a particular place, we create the ceremony.  If there are crowds or other groups in that area, all being in divine order, we move on. Usually the guards and tourists police are very cooperative and respectful. On this day, however, the opposite was true.  We waited as a French group completed touring the area and then quietly and without fan-fare we began our ceremony, which involved each person going through three chambers, toning in each one and then moving up a set of stairs completing the initiation.

 As the fourth person was ready to begin, a tourist's policeman came literally screaming at us to stop and shouting that this was not allowed.  Amro tried to calm him and offered payment, which is the Egyptian custom.  The more calmly we responded to him the more aggressive he became. He began to literally go into the several chambers where women in our group were toning and literally remove them. Interestingly he left the one male completely alone to continue. The group responded with understanding and without escalating the scene, we quietly moved on. Once again aggressive male energy sought to pull us into disruption but to no avail.  Both things at once were true again, anger was activating in the same space as calm.  I can't speak for anyone else but for me, I felt magic was created once again.  I held no residual judgment or emotional charge from the experience.

 We boarded the overnight train that evening and headed south to Aswan to continue our journey.  Once we left Cairo the whole energy we encountered shifted. From this point on everything seemed to open us for us and flow. It was amazing as I observed how very little struggle we encountered at the rest of the temples we visited.  Sanctuaries normally packed with tourists emptied as we approached.  Over and over again pathways opened for us to do our ceremonies in the most incredible and sacred spaces unimpeded or so it seemed. From this point on I began to notice the energy in our group shifted also.  I could feel individual lessons surfacing for each person.  As with every group I have worked with, differences in personality began to trigger ancient wounds: for some very subtle: for others more obvious and pronounced.  Now the disruptions seemed to come from within, by this I mean within each person.

 One thing most of my readers know is that my work on this planet involves cracking open these hidden wounded places and assisting as each person is given the opportunity to go deeper into their own initiations.  Therefore we do group circle as often as possible on the journey to share, grow together and process. As those who read my Hawaii story know, often times the biggest wound is my own. I believe that is why my soul has led me into this field, to heal myself.

 I was able not to take this shifting within the group as personal reflection but to concentrate on my own healing and hold the space for each person's experience.  At one point in Luxor we decided to take a hot air balloon ride over the West Bank, which was incredibly wonderful.  Interestingly enough, we landed in a garbage dump in the dessert!  Then, our van got stuck in the sand and we had to walk over the garbage to another van to make our way out. Years ago my emotional teacher once said to me, 'Nancy, if you are standing in garbage, pick it up. It is yours.' I have never forgotten that and it certainly seemed appropriate now.  In retrospect I believe that the garbage is our judgment and the journey our egos take us on until we can surrender and walk through it. One again both things are true.  As a group, we were bonded and loving in many ways and yet each individual had their own stuff, opinions and feelings working with them to push them into their garbage as well as their truth.

 Ii isn't necessary to go into anybody's individual journeys here. I do invite each traveler to share his or her story. The important journey is my own. Throughout the day that followed, I continued to dredge up painful memories and sweet memories of Egypt journey's past.  I felt as if I had returned to integrate all my experience into a beautiful tapestry. I literally fell apart at the Temple of Hatshepsut remembering the tourists who had been killed there and my healing with their guide some years ago.  Everywhere I went memories surfaced both ancient and modern. I felt as if I was finally able to put together more of my pieces.  We returned to Alexandria where my crystal heart bowl had shattered all by itself in the Temple of Serapis, again the grief and the understanding. And so it continued for me everywhere. Even within the group, I felt the love and connection while at the same time feeling the discord and discomfort.  Both things were true. And it was perfect.

 One day while waiting to use the rest room at the Temple of Abydos, I encountered a woman named Isis who I had met on my first trip to Egypt in l994.  At that time she approached me at Saqqara and told me I was one of her priestesses taking me on a shamanic journey to my Egyptian past. The thing I remembered most about her is that she disappeared as she was talking to me and then reappeared again. That was my first otherworldly experience in Egypt and many continue to follow. I also recalled that I looked for her the rest of that journey in our group and never found her again. (There were over 200 people in that group!) So here she shows up at Adydos and tells me that her group is suppose to be in the Great Pyramid at Equinox the same time we are scheduled.  Coincidence'of course not.

 I have learned to follow the clues and walk through the open doors my soul creates for me no matter how uncomfortable they may be so I shared with Armo first and then with the group.  She suggested our two groups meet together to share since obviously we are doing similar work on a planetary level. She also said she had information for me.  I filled the group in and then a really interesting dance of feelings, judgments and opinions set in.  Isis became the catalyst for mounting tension triggering each person, including myself, into his or her feelings.

 As the days continued moving closer toward Equinox, Isis and I began a dance of trying to connect with each other and always just missing each other. We wrote notes at the hotels where we were staying and left messages.  This frustrated the group as I kept attempting to open a space for the two groups to join.  Finally, I spoke with Isis when we returned to Cairo and she told me that they had been rescheduled to the day before Equinox in the Great Pyramid.  She felt that we were to complete the template they were laying. I stayed open to her information but did not attach myself to it as truth. We set up a dinner for both groups at her hotel for the evening between their visit to the pyramid and our own.  By this time our group was pretty divided in their feelings about Isis. Some chose to join us that evening and others didn't.  Then even the dinner created more emotional energy among those who attended. The triggers were potent.

 It was interesting for me as I watched everyone wrestle with his or her feelings.  She asked me to sit by her so she could explain what she had to share. I listened with interest and learned a great deal too. I held my own field for my sacred truth. By the end of the night, the different triggers surfaced in our group: Some were curious; others were really drawn to her; some felt ignored and betrayed; and others just had a wonderful time sharing with her very wonderful group of people and taking in the experience:  One dinner experienced many different ways as it moved through each emotional field triggering just the perfect response.

 I realized that a few years back, I would have felt this situation was pulling our group apart but, instead, I was drawn to just allow this to unfold and appreciate the perfection. Once again, all things were true and perfect for each person and the planet.  By the time we began our last day on the Plateau for our Equinox ceremony, I could feel the discordant energy and the pain behind it.  It wasn't comfortable for me, but I did accept it.  Fortunately, Amro was able to arrange private time between the paws of the sphinx for us before our time in the Great Pyramid.  It was here I felt the true magic of alchemy. Suddenly the Sphinx energy moved within me and I requested the group to circle. I felt She'sup Ank (her actual name and she is a woman) work through me as I requested each person to join hearts. I felt her heart beat within my chest at that moment.  She asked everyone to put a hold on his or her judgments and opinions and feel her heart beat. She then led a beautiful ceremony ending with each person touching hearts and connecting gazes as we moved around the circle weaving her healing heart into our own.  Then, most beautiful of all, the whole group sang to each person one by one of their love. As I watched and felt each person surrender and move into love, true alchemy was created.

 I was aware as we climbed the hill toward the Pyramid that, for the time being, we were one connected heart and at the same time unresolved feelings still existed to be our teachers. Both things were true and both things were very sacred. I felt the magic of true integration.  And, then as I approached the King's Chamber, I heard beautiful flute music being played in this most awesome sound chamber in the world. This was unusual.

 As usually happens, the energy of the King's Chamber takes hold of each person as they travel into their own sacred space. I was one of the last to enter and I noticed Amro talking to a young woman holding a flute who appeared quite agitated. He was trying to explain to her that it was past time for the tourists to leave and that we had paid for private time.  She seemed to not understand him yet he spoke to her in several different languages. I invited her to join us if she would become one with group and not play flute during our ceremony.  She didn't answer me and walked toward the door. Feeling as if she had left, I continued with the tasks at hand. The lights and generator were turned off as stillness and darkness swallowed us.  During this initiation each person had individual time in the sarcophagus to tone or meditate creating their own experience as they were guided. This is always a special, individual and sacred time.  I have witnessed amazing transformations for people over the years, including several of my own!

 At some point as people entered the sarcophagus, flute music began to play.  I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I thought perhaps the woman had gone into the Grand Gallery or the Queen's Chamber. I found this annoying and I felt there was a deliberate agenda in place. I had to stay focused on the group and guide the ceremony so I didn't dwell in that feeling for long.  I let it drop, but I did notice that she played during some of the group's sacred time and not others.  I seemed to feel she left the men in silence and played as the woman entered but I am not too sure about that.  Whatever she was doing felt purposeful. At one point I walked over to the far corner of the chamber to get one woman for her turn and as I did, I saw the flute player crouched down behind the sarcophagus playing her flute. Anger flashed through me momentarily as my body responded to the boundary violation then just as suddenly my heart responded and felt sweetness in her and I began to cry.  As I embraced both feelings, once again my body responded at the cellular level.

 There is much more to this experience for me but as we concluded our turns in the sarcophagus, I went over and took her hand helping her to her feet.  She asked me in perfect English who we were and what was the purpose of our group.  As we shared, I felt as if I was talking to a different person, one who was open and responsive. Her name was Sylvan. She was an Italian woman who had been living in Taos, New Mexico for the past five years. Obviously she had understood everything that was explained to her. Curious. After our closing circle, she and I embraced and walked hand-and-hand out of the pyramid, descending through the Grand Gallery and out onto the plateau. 

 Sylvan asked if we could give her a ride off the plateau as the police were yelling at us for being there long after closing time. This is a game they play, pretending they had no idea we were still inside the pyramid and acting as if they were not handsomely paid for the privilege. As she departed the bus at the bottom of the hill, she took my card and waved good-bye to the group.  As we all began to share it seems the opinions and response to her presence in our ceremony were just as varied as each person response to Isis.  Everyone had his or her opinion and feelings. I knew there was something major for me in her presence but I wasn't too clear on that yet.

 As our last evening together in Egypt drew to a close, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place for me. We were completing a specific activation in the Great Pyramid and Sylvan was there to disrupt it whether intentional or coincidental. Ezekiel told me she was mind controlled and it was the integration of the dualities that occurred for me once again that completed the mission for me.  When I shared my experience with Isis later that evening, she told me she was there to sabotage our work and that, as a strong leader, I should have expelled her from the chamber immediately.  Then there were those in the group who were transported by our muse and her flute. Still others were agitated that she intruded on their scared time. A few seemed not even aware of her at all.

 As we shared on our way to the airport early the next morning the feelings and opinions were flying.  In my heart and for me personally, all those feelings were valid and true for each person.  It was not Sylvan's presence one-way or another that mattered; it was each person's individual journey. My own leap from anger to acceptance and into compassion was clear to me.  The duality of emotions in the group represented the duality of emotions within my own being and on our planet.  It is where we are all stuck even though we know it isn't the answer. My sacred truth moved me into a space that felt like a tremendous accomplishment inside the Great Pyramid that Spring Equinox afternoon. I felt the grid which was activated, was the realignment of our tendency to judge something as right or wrong/ good or bad when our sacred selves know that all feelings are real and when they can be acknowledged at the same time and brought into compassion true integration occurs.  I am far from saying I do not move into judgment, opinions and difficult feelings regarding people or events in my life, but I know now on a cellular level that the doorway out of this dualistic pain we constantly find ourselves in is the ability to allow ourselves to stay open, not form an opinion, move through judgment and accept that both things as true.  A coin has two opposite sides called often 'heads' or 'tails.' Both sides exist simultaneously to create the whole.  Only when we focus on one side or another do we create duality or choice between one and another. Most of the time we just spend the whole coin.

 So much more happened during this magical and very healing experience for me but if I had to distill my journey down to one over riding truth for me, it would be that I felt and understood in my deepest sacred place that my truth lies in understanding the integrated whole and yet appreciating the value of its different parts without attaching to them. The 'The Judgment' glyph explained at the beginning of this article ties it all together for me.  Each god or goddess represents a part of us.  It is the dark and scary parts of ourselves that takes us into the underworld (Anubis) to uncover the truth of our journey. As we take ourselves apart, the heart is separated and weighed against our deeds by Ma'at the goddess of truth. It is our own judgment of our hearts that brings us into healing.  Thoth records our deeds.  To me he is that part of us that pulls apart the experiences of our lives and makes sense of them.     Isis and Osiris represent the mother and father (our male and female.) In truth, no one is judging us but ourselves.

 You don't have to travel to Egypt to discover your sacred truth.  It is all the parts of you longing to be loved and understood, not by others, but by yourself!  By embracing all the parts: dark and unknown as well as the joyous and light, you integrate into wholeness. Once again, both things are true. May your journey take you to that scared truth wherever your heart may lead you.

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