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Where does any journey really begin? Last Spring several friends asked me when I was going to Peru again and if I would be willing to pull a trip together as they felt called to go. As I became still with the request in my heart a spark lit the flame of creation for that journey. The rest of what happened was so synchronistic that it still amazes me.
As I looked within for that still small voice, I was guided to create the space for a fall journey. I am an energy worker, with grids and ley lines rather than people, so I looked for a celestial event to coordinate with a fall Peru trip. I found a full moon eclipse at the end of October and just felt myself there on Machu Piccu for that experience. I also realized that we would be in Peru over the U.S. Election Day so I planned to be on Lake Titicaca that day. Little did I know it would be a life-changing day for me. All of my journeys seem to be created around celestial events that impact the earth, ourselves and especially the grids around our planet. With most journeys, I have a feeling right in the beginning if they are going to manifest and I felt strongly that this one would.
This would be my first Egypt or Peru journey without my friend Carol who had brilliantly opened the doors for those trips with me from l997-2002. I had feelings about that, but I also knew I was ready to create my own space and energy field in these two sacred places. I knew it would be powerful for me, but I didn't realize exactly how powerful. At the end of August, I still did not have enough people signed up to make the journey feasible, so I reluctantly let go and cancelled. A few days later, I also let go of another endeavor that I had been working on for almost two years. Within an hour of sending an Email resigning from that project, I had a phone call from a woman in Northern California, asking me to please reconsider. She said there were three friends who were really guided to take the leap and got to Peru with us. To make a long story short, the trip was back on and began to create itself powerfully.
Shortly after that call, I received an Email from a famous astrologer explaining that there would be an event he called Harmonic Concordance II occurring during the October 27th eclipse. It turns out that this planetary configuration creates a pentagram of five planets at the exact time of the eclipse rebirthing the divine feminine back into wholeness. It was to be the culmination of the 2003 November 8 Concordance and the Venus Transit in June. Both of those events were very powerful for me as I energized them through my heart and consciousness with friends and family. I realized that this trip had more going on than any every day eclipse that happens several times a year. I was awed by how Spirit guided me along this pathway.
Lots of drama was created over the next two months involving money and who was going and who wasn't. Even just a few days before departure there were ten of usintending to go. As it ended up, there were seven of us and our Peruvian shaman and guide Mallku. This was not without its difficulties and some of the issues still linger today, one month after our return. Yet, Spirit has a way of bringing just the right people together for a specific purpose and we eight souls jelled down to being the most incredibly wonderful and supportive group I have ever traveled with. Everyone, without exception, went through his or her own personal initiations and growth and yet everyone formed a group heart more powerful than I have ever witnessed.
I could go on and share a day-by- day story of such incredible events and initiations that you would be drawn into their magic as all of us were. There were times when we traveled through small spaces that were seemingly impossible to move through. We stood on a very small precipice hundreds of feet above the ground and spread our arms to become the condor. We became lost in the darkness of a certain powerful cave. We weathered rain, wind, fog and cold to be present for the eclipse and much, much more. For those who traveled with me and are now reading these words, please know that this is the journey through my eyes and may not be your experience. That is as it should be.
The most powerful experience for me on the journey happened early on the morning of November 2, Election Day, on the Island of Amantani on Lake Titicaca only three day before our return home. Interestingly, I had originally scheduled the group to be on the Island of the Sun that day, but earlier our guide Mallku spoke to us of the magic of Amantani known as the Island of Lovers. He told us how people where led to the Island of the Sun because that was promoted but the most powerful grid in Peru was actually located on Amantani where two mountains create a vortex of great power. On one resided the temple of Pachu Papa (the father) and on the other the temple of Pachu Mama (the mother) and in between the two was the powerful ley line that integrated the male and female energies of these two temples and yet more importantly, of the earth. I remembered that years ago when I studied the Flower of Life with Drunvelo, he had mentioned this powerful ley line. Ezekiel told me it was one of only two power grids on earth devoted to the integration of the male and female.
An important aside here is that just before our journey, a friend brought to my attention The Elf Transmissions http://www.upi.cc/elf/ suggesting that it was an important piece of my work in Peru and indeed it was. Basically these teachings tell us that not only were we separated from our wholeness and our knowing that we are God Creators but we were also fragmented. Inside each of us, the male and female are separated and the male energy is even separated from itself. This then created a trinity of separation that has caused duality to reign and enabled human beings to be easily controlled. A major theme during our journey was the integration of duality and healing of our fragmented selves. We toned and chanted all over Peru the Latin words, " nunc pro tunc ab intitio" translating, " as if it never was…to the beginning". This became very powerful and laid a template or foundation for the collective work we did healing our fragmented selves throughout the journey and holding the original wisdom in our hearts guiding us back to wholeness. Through our hearts, we were to play a role in healing this separation and fragmentation.
And, my heart was exactly where my initiation lay. As I awoke at 4:30 am that morning I lay in bed for a few minutes thinking about the day ahead. Two of our travelers, Cindy and Steve where to be married at the temple of Pacha Mama as the lovers united in a special ceremony to be led by our Shaman Mallku and myself. It was the culmination of an incredibly powerful journey for all of us. The power of this union in that sacred space as we intoned the healing of duality was thrilling for me.
As I stood to pull on my jeans, my heart started physically racing very fast. This has happened to me before but not for quite some time. It had been attributed to menopause and hormonal imbalances. I always felt it was more significant than that and this day it would prove to be truly so. Sometimes I can do a Yoga breath and slow it back to normal but not on this morning. At first I was very frustrated but as it had never lasted too long in the past, I was sure it would pass as we readied ourselves to hike up the hill to the mountains above us. As we gathered to depart 15 minutes later, there was still no change. I told Mallku and the group what was going on with me. Steve, the man getting married that day, is an ER doctor in his 3D life and worked on me some to try to slow it down but it raced on with a mind of its own.
It was apparent to me early on that I could not make this long hike with the group. Every twenty steps or so I had to sit down to rest and breathe. It wasn't really painful in itself but it limited my ability to get enough oxygen running through my blood to energize this activity. It felt as if I could never catch my breath. I reluctantly told the group to continue without me. Mallku sat for a few minutes and laid his hands on me and told me to slowly continue, as I was able. As I watched the group move away from me up the mountain the tears came. I held such overwhelming sadness and grief. I felt abandoned and alone and yet, I knew I was moving into a powerful initiation.
Over the next two hours I would climb ten or twenty yards and then lay down and breath, cry and feel this experience. It was not lost on me that last January I made a strikingly similar journey all alone on a cold January night crawling up the hill holding onto my severely broken leg to reach help. (http://www.heartlights.net/articles.html) article Breaking Through Fear
I finally reached the point where there was an arch or gateway to the temples. I had seen the group by this archway quite a while before but they had long since moved on. I lay down on a rock by the arch and soon I felt a hand on my shoulder. Mallku had climbed down to see how I was. We shared some thoughts and I cried quite a lot. He told me I was watering Pacha Mama with my tears. Then he told me a poignant story (He is a powerful story teller.) about a starfish that was dying on the beach along with many other starfish when a man came along and threw that particular starfish back into the sea. When another man asked why he bothered when so many starfish were dying anyway, he replied, "For this one it was important." He encouraged me to go another hundred yards or so where I would come to the ley line that separates the mother and the father mountains and their respective temples. We both agreed I was to be there anchoring the energy while he led the wedding ceremony at Pacha Mama. Once again I watched him walk away to join the group and I felt so alone and sad.
With much struggle and shortness of breath I finally reached the ley line. I was exhausted and awestruck at the same time because from the ley line I could see the other side of Amantani, Lake Titicaca and both temples at once. It truly was a vortex of great integration. As my heart raced on, I lay down in a field right on the ley line to rest and feel. It was springtime in Peru and farmers had planted small fields of crops in patches all the way up the mountain. I wondered how they climbed this far and tended these fields. Already the shoots of new potatoes where peaking out to grasp the sun. I toned our mantra and said the prayers we had said as a group during the trip. The only thing I had with me was an amulet bag my friend and roommate Diane had lent me and, also, my water bottle. Diane has farmland in Iowa and had brought some Iowa corn to leave as offerings at the various sacred sites we visited. I was guided to plant two seeds of Iowa corn on that ley line in the potato field and water them. I said a blessing and felt somewhat peaceful having done my own ceremony. Once again, this was a powerful integration.
As I rested I thought that it was significant that my whole life I have been absorbed and connected to people. I am always with my partner Mark, my children, my friends, family and spiritual groups. It dawned on me how comfortable I was with people. Then I connected the dots. This was the second time I had created a painful and scary physical situation that forced me to move into my fears of abandonment and aloneness. Just as when I broke my leg, I was learning how powerful I am when focused on myself. Of course, being a facilitator on a journey such as this, it was about the only time I was focused on myself. Understanding began to seep through me. Ezekiel has always reminded me that we hide behind our greatest gifts. My heart was creating a sacred space one way or another. No people to hide in, only me.
That is the last thing I remembered at that time until I awoke two hours later in the exact same spot on the ley line, my heart still racing! I almost felt as if I had a missing time experience and I couldn't believe two hours had gone by. Still the group had not returned. I realized I was very dizzy and disoriented. I felt so out of body as if I was walking in another timeline yet I couldn't make conscious sense of anything that had happened. Another forty-five minutes or so went by and I had begun to start slowly back down the mountain. I must say it was a much easier walk downward. I stopped again at the archway to rest and soon Diane was at my side hugging me and asking me if I was all right. The next period of time is somewhat of a daze. I made it down the mountain to our little home we shared with locals on the island who fed us and gave us space to sleep. I lay on my bed as I listened to the group having breakfast in the courtyard below. Now married, my friends Steve and Cindy came up to work with me and share their wedding experience. I was so happy for them and yet still uncertain of what had transpired on that ley line. I was still very disoriented. Steve said my heart was still racing between 160 and 180 beats per minute. It was around 11:00 am so that meant my heart had continued it's mad drumming pace for more than 6 … hours. He told me if I had come into his ER in this condition he would have used the paddles on me to shock my heart back to a normal rhythm.
We said our good-byes to our hosts and journeyed back down to the shore where our boat back to Puno awaited us. Not only was this day Election Day in the United States but in Peru it was known as Zenith Day. That is the time when the sun is directly overhead at noon and casts no shadows. Interestingly just as an eclipse does! When there are no shadows, all will be revealed. It was important to Mallku that we would be on the boat and out on the Lake for the Zenith ceremony at noon. I lay down in the cabin of the boat and Steve and Cindy began to do some energy work on me to bring my heart back into normalcy. Mallku went with the rest of the group on the top boat deck and did the ceremony above us.
Soon I began to sob. That grief was to grow and expand over the next hour and a half. My wailing and tears became almost uncontrollable as the feelings moved continually throughout my body while my heart raced onward. At some point, I noticed Mallku had returned and was sitting opposite the three of us. I know he was helping and holding a field for this birthing. Birthing is what it felt like. Each new wave was like a contraction. The next day my stomach muscles ached as if I had done 1,000 crunches.
My mid wives (Steve, Cindy and Mallku), just moved through the whole process with me and eventually I fell asleep. When I awoke it was after three o'clock and my heart was once again peaceful. I felt exhausted and that night I soaked in a hot tub and slept straight though awaking feeling great the next day as we headed back to Lima for our return home.
I agreed with Steve, Diane and Cindy that it was time to go get my heart checked when I returned home. Steve arranged this for me with a Peruvian cardiologist of all things. As it turns out my heart is just fine in the 3D world. In fact, it is very healthy. I suppose it would have had to have been healthy to race rapidly for almost 11 hours. I don't know any athletes that could have matched that pace for that long.
The following night I returned to Iowa and Ezekiel took me back to the mountain and the missing two hours. I was hovering above my body as it lay still in the field on one of the most powerful ley lines on planet earth. I wondered what had happened to me. My first thought was that I was having an out-of-body experience but there was no cord of light attaching me to my body. So, I wondered if perhaps I had died and I tried to get back into my body and could not. I was again all alone. OK, I thought, if I have died…where is the white light I am suppose to go to? I looked around for all the people that were suppose to help me cross over. No one was there. I thought about my husband Mark and wanted to tell him what was happening to me. In that instant I found myself in a jet cockpit. Mark was sitting on the right and another pilot for the company he flies for was on the left. They traded flying positions. I tried to get his attention but just like in the movie Ghost, he did not respond. (He later confirmed that is exactly where he was at the time I would have been in the cockpit with him.) I felt so lost. That's the last thing I remember. I awoke in my body on the lay line totally disoriented and confused. And, you know the rest.
So, what's it all about? This has so many facets for me and I am sure I am still learning even more. It has been one month since that day. I feel I have many pieces of the puzzle thanks to all those who have helped me.
I was again alone to integrate and heal my own heart. During the Harmonic Concordance II eclipse on Machu Piccu the week before, I was told I would be going to two dark places within me and I would have to work hard to bring that duality into love. I feel that while crying and feeling the grief on the boat, I was in a very dark place. I feel I was in duality fighting between my urge to be with the group and my personal agreement to hold the field on the ley line for integration.
… I am a traveler from the future back to change and heal the past. I agreed to stay on that ley line during the election to assist in integrating duality. It is what I do. I work with the earth grids and fields. My heart made it possible to over ride my ego that wanted to be at that wedding ceremony. My heart gave me the opportunity. ( I have a Bush connection through my son and his Godmother that is very interesting and deep)
… My heart created a rapid drum beat just as a drummer would do to take himself into other realities.
… As Ezekiel said to me, "Nancy you can't contain the energy of "Heartlights" in your work and not have a heart response."
… It seemed almost like a near-death experience and in some ways it was. I am forever changed. How that plays out in my life will become obvious over time.
To everyone who was a part of this story, Thank You! In little and small ways I was pushed, prodded and energized to create this experience and I feel very blessed. The heart is truly an amazing thing on all levels of creation and I am learning more about its abilities daily. My appreciation and gratitude go especially to Brenda, Diane, Lynn, Kristen, Cindy, Steve,Shari and Mallku. May all your travels take you always just where you are meant to be and may all your experiences reflect your own Spirit to you always. I would like to conclude with a prayer that Ezekiel gave to me for this Peru journey. I now call this the Prayer of Integration. Blessings to all of you. NJH
Within my own heart,
I bring compassion to all duality I encounter.
In myself, with others and everywhere.
I trust myself.
I invite that which threatens or frightens me
To show me myself
So that I may shift this reality.
Compassion embraces me.
I live with my eyes, ears and heart open.
I am constantly creating myself
As I have always intended to be.
nunc pro tunc… ab
as if it never was…to the beginning