April 2021

Many times on my Spiritual journey I have been amazed at the power of the collective consciousness to create, heal and change.  Never was it more poignant and dramatic than on Sunday, October 20, l996.  I remember the date so clearly because it happened to be my 49th birthday.

It was a picture perfect fall day in Iowa with crystal clear blue skies, gorgeous trees in their full fall attire and perfect temperatures in the 60’s. My friend Tiya and I decided to have a nice long horse ride before we headed off to the business of our day.  I met Tiya at her beautiful farm with magnificent views, large oaks and rolling hills all around. I remember there was magic in the air as it was a special day for me. It was also a perfect day to enjoy our favorite pass time which was riding our horses across the land waves of Iowa feeling our connection with each other, our equine companions and Mother Earth.

As we headed off across one of the fields at a full trot with the sun and the wind caressing us, we came to an old barn and holding pen owned by a large farming family in our area. We had passed this barn many times and prior to this day it had always been empty.  Today, however, the paddock was packed with cows bellowing and milling around.  As we rode up to the fence we could feel how uncomfortable these cows were and how unhappy with their situation.

Living in Iowa, it didn’t take us long to realize that these animals were awaiting transport to a very unhappy ending.  For years in the late ’80’s and early 90’s I had been a vegetarian for just such a reason.  My heart ached for their fate.  My friend Tiya was having the same feelings. As we stood there on our horses looking into those big brown eyes we just felt so sad.  We even seriously discussed what would happen if we just opened the gate and set them free.

As we were both years into our Spiritual journey, we realized that this would accomplish nothing.  The cows would wonder around into roads and all about and, in the end, some would be harmed and most would find there way onto the trucks once again. We knew this was not the way to go.  As we stood there we began to hatch a new plan based on higher consciousness.

We decided to create a new reality for the cows and for ourselves. We split up, each of us going to separate sides of the coral opposite each other.  We breathed into our hearts opening them up.  We then sent this love into the milling throng of cows. We told them how loved and appreciated who they are.  We created an intention that they would experience no pain and fear but that they would know they were honored and appreciated for their sacrifice. We also told them that every time we were blessed with nourishment from their race, we would remember them and thank them.  Then we stood there in silence just taking in the magic. Most of the cows grew still and many of them came to the fence and looked into our eyes. The noise lessened and only soft murmuring was heard. As we continued on our journey, we felt the day was again one of wonder and we felt blessed to have connected so deeply with these cows.

That could have been the end of the cow story that day and it would have been grand.  Yet, to our surprise and astonishment, there was more to come. We found our way onto a gravel road that we hadn’t ridden much before.  After a few miles, we notice another group of cows far off to our left high on a ridge. They were noticeable because they were running. A heard of cows running at full speed was unusual. I mean how often have you seen a whole group of 20 or 30 cows galloping anywhere.  The horses noticed too and stood bolt still as we watched the cows to see what they were up to.

Soon it was obvious that they must have been running along a fence line because they suddenly turned sharply to the right running down the hill toward where we were standing watching them.  They came thundering right toward the fence. I kept looking for the cowboys with their whips stampeding them along like in the old western movies.  Until this moment, I had only ever seen cows run like this in the movies.

The cows slowed their pace as they neared us. They began to line up in front of us maybe three or four deep.  Most of them were looking directly into our eyes. Tiya and I stood there transfixed on the scene. When we managed to speak, we both agreed that chills and goose bumps were shooting along our meridians. We somehow understood without words that these cows were acknowledging our consciousness and honoring our choices.  Right then I realized that our ceremony at the holding pen a few miles back was now a part of the collective consciousness of cows. I am sure to them this is commonplace, but because we are so out of touch with that part of ourselves, we were amazed. What better way to learn something like this then to see it create in front of your eyes?

Half jokingly I began to moo at them as if trying in my inept way to communicate with them in their language.  I do this often and my husband is always amused as I cluck to the wild turkeys, sing to the cardinals and bark with the neighborhood dogs. Well, this time with the magic of the day, I was rewarded.  These cows began a symphony of mooing.  It seemed to me that we stood there for the longest time. The sound soon died away and we chatted about our experience, both still shocked and energized with what we had created. We slowly turned our horses and began to move down the road.  Interestingly these cows walked as a herd right along the fence line with us. They walked with us all the way to the next road where their fence ended and then stood there watching us as we moved away.

Once again that would be a great ending to an incredible event but we weren’t done yet. We turned onto another road heading back to Tiya’s farm. After a time we passed a large herd of dairy cows draped across a hill side lazily munching the last of the fall grass.  They were beautiful black and white dairy cows. As we walked along I commented that these cows must have not gotten the message about our consciousness from the other cows and I laughed. No sooner were the words out of my mouth then we noticed that one by one these cows had begun to move. They were walking slowly toward us from all different directions.  Even the ones sleeping on the grass in the noonday sun began to rise as we stopped once again to watch.  This event seemed to occur in slow motion and very gradually. Soon we noticed that most of this dairy herd had gathered down by us at the fence line once again.

We began to really connect with individual cows as we studied their faces and their eyes.  The beautiful large brown eyes were so expressive.  As we chatted about the different personalities and messages we were picking up from them, we realized not all cows are the same. It may be obvious but we had never considered the individuality of each unique cow before this moment. We began to brainstorm and came up with the idea of creating cow divination cards. Why not! There are angle cards, dolphin cards, and animal cards. Why not some down home Iowa cow cards with each one giving the receiver a unique and beautiful message.  As we busily and seriously discussed this project we were wishing we had a camera with us to capture these expressions.

After a time we began reading the marking tags in each cows ears.  Instead of numbers, these cows each had names.  Most probably because they were dairy cows. It was then that we noticed the cow in the very front center’s nametag was Tiya! Talk about getting excited, you can imagine how awed we were.

Soon after that these cows began to disperse from the fence line resuming their grazing and lounging on this sunny fall Sunday.  We reluctantly headed on down the road. Several of the dairy cows walked along the fence line with us until it ended. We picked up our pace and cantered most of the way home energized by our morning.

Words are totally inadequate to describe the energy this magical day created by Tiya and me.  Everything seemed so magical and we felt such bliss and connection to ourselves, ours horses, the cows and all that is.  For me personally, it was one of my greatest experiences of the oneness of consciousness on this beautiful blue green planet of ours. Not that I ever had any doubt about that Spiritual truth, but to have it activated emotionally, visually and physically within me was powerful.

You are probably wondering where you can get the Iowa cow cards.  Well, like so many ideas they never came to pass in that way.  Yet, the magic of each individual cow that connected with us that day remains as a special message in our hearts. I never pass a cow or eat beef without activating that conscious memory within me. I still know that every cow I encounters knows me as I do them.  I am well aware that moments such as these are changing our world from one of separation and pain to a place where all hearts embrace our greater connectedness and live accordingly. Every birthday I recall the special gift of who I am and the magic Tiya and I created as we healed ourselves. I am so blessed to live in Iowa, to have access to the animal kingdom and the beautiful earth, to have good friends and equine companions and to realize I created it all.

As I headed out the door in the wee hours of my 61st Birthday, on October 20th, 2008, I knew I was leaving with an assignment to bring together a group of souls who somewhere in their hearts remembered their connection to Pachamama and the Andes Mountains. We are The Children of the Sun who had come from the future back in time to awaken important codes in ourselves and in the human consciousness as a whole.  It wasn’t such an easy mission at all, I realized as I pulled into the Airport parking lot. It was, however, a calling to integrate opposites during the time of the US Elections. Here was an interracial man (integration) running for President at a time when the world seemed more polarized than ever before emotionally, socially, economically and mentally.  I reminded myself that it was time to move beyond labels. We are not Republicans or Democrats; terrorist or victims; pro-life or pro-choice; evil doers or righteous.  In the heart of God which lights our way, we are integrated beings with parts of all the opposites alive within our own cellular composite.  We are creative, integrated, magical beings who have forgotten our own uniqueness as we separated from Creator and became imprisoned by two sides of the same brain competing for control.

In my heart, as I waited in the TSA line to board the plane for the first part of the journey, I felt magic in my breath and in myself.  I knew that to truly activate the grid of integration on our planet we would need to create a group template that could ride through our differences, journey challenges, and feelings as we seek to create the gentle power of the humming bird integrated with the strength and wisdom of the condor. As the plane left the runway, I pushed a ‘go’ button in my consciousness and then sat back and, for the most part, allowed the journey to unfold’and unfold it did in all kinds of unexpected ways.

The first inklings I had that this trip would be different happened before it even got off the ground. Mallku and I usually have a rhythm of sorts for the name and purpose of the journey from the onset of the planning.  With this journey, I already knew we were to end the journey around Election Day and I named it The Children of the Sun Return. When Mallku sent me the itinerary, he had named it The Expanded Heart’so both titles were integrated in the final tour information.  Every time I have gone to Peru the trip has wandered in a similar pattern usually adding a new place each time. As I read Mallku’s itinerary, I realized that this trip would essentially unfold ‘backwards’ so to speak beginning at high altitude in the valley of the Condors (Colca Canyon) and then onto Lake Titikaka which has always been the final destination on my previous tours. We were to end on Election Day in Machu Picchu (his decision as I had that ceremony slated for the Island of the Sun in Lake Titikaka) so from the onset, our souls journeys were shifting and integrating.

With less than one week to go before lift-off we received information that would make the trip into Bolivia to reach the Island of the Sun almost impossible so’we shifted.  Mallku suggested we travel to the Island of Amantani on the Peruvian side of Lake Titikaka where the vortexes of the male and female energy of the planet meet near the top of the Island between the Temples of Pachamama (the mother) and Pachatata (the father). This happens to be the very place where I had my near death experience in 2004.  http://www.heartlights.net/html/article_peruvian_heartbeat.html Ok’more integration.  Obviously it was time to return and integrate that fear.

As the group from different locations all over the country met that first day in Lima, the magic to me was palpable.  This was an incredible group of travelers who had been called. I felt the potential and possibilities but also knew from my many group experiences that each one would have a choice whether to ride the waves of integration to create a group heart that could come into compassion with all their differences or’as in some cases’fracture apart unable to beat as one heart.  I felt a new power surging within me, one that recognized my own beauty to hold a field of compassion that could accept everyone’s ‘stuff’ and still know beyond any differences lay the memory of the children of the sun and their heartfelt desire to activate the grid of integration in the sacred Apu (Mountains) in the arms of Pachamama. I felt that they absolutely could and most probably would if I could myself keep from falling into my own duality and judgment’and’that is the dance I did in my own private world as the journey ebbed along.

We journeyed first to Arequipa aptly called the white city because it is entirely built of volcanic rock from the area where the volcanoes originally gave birth to the two deepest canyons in the world, one being Colca Canyon where we hoped to encounter the Andean symbol of power and connection to Spirit’the condor. As we deplaned in Arequipa, we were blessed with the most extraordinary sunset blazing its hues of red, orange, pink, purple and a beautiful pool of aqua shimmering within. Everyone just stopped and took it in, some of us with tears in our eyes for the majesty and beauty we saw reflected in our own hearts.

The next morning as we continued to adjust to the altitude, taking things slowly we gazed out over the canyon at three beautiful condors doing a dance of integration as two male and one female spiraled throughout the mountains dancing with their own beauty and knowing. Soon Mallku urged us onward for a hike asking us, ‘Do you like surprises?’ Well little did any of us realize how many there would be on our 17 day journey into the heart of Pachamama.  Soon we left the groups of tourists behind as we hiked along a ridge with only an occasional visitor or two and before long a beautiful, young female condor flew into our hearts spiraling up, down and around all of us coming ever closer until it seemed like she looked everyone right in the eye.  To me this began the awakening of the ancient codes we carried in our cellular memory to the mountains. To me I heard her say, ‘Thank you for hearing the call of the condor and welcome home.’

Our travels had begun in earnest.  Soon we encountered ‘hot water’ issues as many of our group were left to shower in the cold.  Several in the group were already experiencing roommate issues and to some extent I realized the deep inner tests had begun. Then, I noticed everyone began to loose things…cell phones, money, passports, coats, purchases, and sacred items for ceremony.  I felt with each loss, whether the items were found or gone for good ‘ a letting go and acceptance. As our boat pulled up on the shores of the Island of Amantani, I knew my letting go and accepting was to follow.  After a beautiful afternoon in a primitive but lovely home where we were lodged, we enjoyed some Peruvian food, great soup and wonderful sharing followed by a sacred fire (Willkanina) teaching us the alchemy of transmutation as clouds parted and millions of incredible stars lit the night sky.

We awoke in the wee hours to the sound of a storm and hail but by the time we were out of bed and ready to begin our climb up the mountains to the Temple of Pachamama there was a beautiful sunrise and it seemed as if the day would be clear and lovely. As we climbed further the clouds moved in creating a gray landscape all around us.  The wind picked up and held in its early spring grasp a bitter chill. I was struggling with my breath during the climb and staying focused on moving with consciousness but I did notice the beauty of the group heart evolving.  Those more adapted to the altitude were helping those of us lagging behind. There was hand holding, encouragement, patience and lots of love.  One man in the group actually rented a ‘horse’ taxi for one of our group exhibiting the biggest challenge.

As we reached the vortex high on the mountain where the male and female vortexes met we paused a moment and I had a chance to remember my pounding erratic heartbeat as I slid onto the ground at that very point in 2004.  I never did reach the Temple of the Pachamama that year.  As I finally made the last leg of the journey I was filled with an incredible tense emotion. Right near the vortex blocking the energy of male lay line from the female lay line was a horrendous building (new this year Mallku told us) called an artisan center but its true purpose was to block the integration of the male and female. As I walked around Pachamama I discovered to my dismay that the temple had been locked with a make-shift wooden door and a pad lock!  Locked out of the divine mother. Unbelievable.  I had a good cry and one of the men just held me as I felt the pain of the feminine being so locked up and blocked for many hundreds of years. Right about then a tremendous hail storm broke loose pelting us all with not only icy wet winds but stinging little balls of ice.  As we all turned to scurry down to the ‘artisan’s center’ for shelter we were again locked out. We took a moment there to feel and understand.  I had moved through my fear, nurtured my heart and allowed the sadness and the pain to help me remember the most important thing’We were the group heart. We were the integration of the male and female’we were the consciousness that felt and knew beyond the illusion.  We were the real temple.  It seemed then a peace descended upon our hearts even as we made our way down the slippery, cold and very wet pathway of Amantani. My wet body, spent emotions and expanded heart sang.  I knew we had passed some kind of test.

Many initiations followed over the next week as we climbed difficult rock formations, experienced the Dimensional Door Way of the Ajayu Marka, balanced high up as we walked along the spine of the serpent and continued to work on personal issues and judgments we encountered along the way. When it was time to board the bus from Puno to Cusco, normally a four hour journey, we learned that the locals along the way were striking and demonstrating by blocking the main road (the only real paved road) to Cusco. We teamed up with other tourists on a large buss and began the very slow, off-road trek winding up and down mountains, along very narrow dirt roadways. It was rough but also a view of Peru most visitors never get to see.  Rather than being upset and negative, the folks on the bus began to integrate the adventure and shared food, songs and stories with folks from many different countries. (Integration once again.)

Just a few hours outside of Cusco with about 13 bus hours under our belts, we ended up stopped behind many other buses and trucks along a beautiful lake as the sky headed toward sunset.  Word was that the locals had burned the main bridge along the road as well as blocked the highway with huge boulders. We heard that the military was being called in.  Tempers seemed a bit hot and it was appearing as if there was some sort of show-down in the making. We finally gathered back on the bus as our group heart went into meditation to hold the space for compassion and integration on all levels. After only 20 minutes in that space, everything shifted. A group of Russian tourists who had been blocked on the roadway for hours had taken matters into their own hands and were pushing the boulders off the road.  Encouraged now, other tourists joined in and an international road clearing project was underway. The locals stood above on the hillside just watching, making no move to intervene.

The soldiers arrived and they had also called in the SWAT teams as well. Although this looked threatening with the plastic shields, guns and so forth the soldiers, face-to-face, were not menacing at all.  They began to bring in planks to place over the burned parts of the bridge and there was no confrontational energy present at all. In the darkening night we were lead off our buses and went single file from one soldier’s hand to the next over the smoldering bridge. It all felt somehow familiar to us as if we were repeating something very ancient.  Once on the other side of the bridge, one by one came the buses and trucks that had been held up for hours as tourists cheered them onward. As I took a deep breath, I realized that what was missing in this situation was the usual duality. I truly felt the soldiers understood the plight of the locals and each accepted the job of the other.  This seemed to be integration at the highest level’one step at a time to our destiny. None of us will ever forget the magic of our long day’s journey into night.

Interestingly enough, we were told that their had been a huge national demonstration and strike planned for November 4th (Election Day) so we would be unable to be at Machu Picchu that day for our final integration ceremony as planned. November 4th this year in Peru was called The Day of the Zenith. This is when the sun is directly overhead at Noon and no shadows are casts. Mallku explained that this is a most powerful and unusual time as we become the bridges between heaven and earth.  That then soon became our understanding.  We were just that, our group heart, a bridge of integration between heaven and earth.  Our final ceremony on Election Day/Zenith Day was switched to the hills surrounding Cusco rather than on Machu Picchu as originally planned.

In the meantime, we were cradled in the arms of the Sacred Valley through which flows the ancient waters of the Willkamaya (Urabama) River.  We grew ever deeper during that time together.  It was as if we were in an enchanted land of beauty and light.  The sun was warm and the sky was crystal blue as we enjoyed a powerful ceremony at Pisac, discovered the fountains of integration at Ollantaytambo and the heart of Pachamama in the magical circles of Moray.  It was in Moray were Mallku asked us to clear our intentions as bridges of integration.  While I cannot recall what everyone said I recalled several and little did we know at the time that those intentions echoed through the heart of Pachamama and into our consciousness during the ceremony in Cusco on Election Day.

We journeyed by train onto Machu Picchu when it was time and spent a beautiful sunny afternoon exploring the ancient and magnificent crystal city. Although I have been to Peru many times now, I am always excited as my travelers catch their first glimpses of the mystical city. The awe is thick and real.  Tears come to many eyes and the wonder in the sounds escaping through our emotions is always precious and special. We stayed as late as possible that afternoon as Mallku guided us around to his favorite and most powerful places explaining the purpose and layout of the different temples that dot her landscape.  Early the next morning we headed out in a down pour for our final initiations and ceremony before returning to Cusco for Election Day.  At least this time it was a warmer rain.  We climbed part way up Wayno Picchu to experience the mists shrouding and moving about the magical city creating veils of mystery and feeling other-worldy.   It was here that Mallku guided us into trust as we met the challenge of the Condor to fly free.  One-by-one, (prefaced by, ‘Do you like surprises?) we stepped with eyes closed out onto a narrow stone ledge protruding maybe nine feet out over a drop off hundreds of feet below exposing the beauty of the crystal city.  This is frightening even with your eyes open I might add. Each member of the group closed their eyes and journeyed into the unknown with Mallku as their guide. When they went as far as they were able, they spread their arms like wings, like the condor, and opened their eyes to look out on the beauty and experience their own courage.

The day ended with a meditation in the crystal cave which is ‘knock- your-socks-off’ powerful!  We all listened to Mallku share one of his many teaching stories and then moved into our own quiet spaces. Every time I am in this cave, the experience is different for me. This time I was just peaceful and filled, content.  Some of the group birthed themselves through the cave and we were then ready to descend the mountain back down to Aquas Calientes to catch the train back to The Sacred Valley.  The next morning was November 3 and we returned to Cusco to prepare for our sacred ceremony to activate the integration grid from the powerful space of our much expanded group heart.

Toward the beginning of our journey, Mallku had discussed with us the possibility of doing a fire-walk and also a scared Wachuma Ceremony. A fire-walk as some of you know, involves bringing your consciousness into a knowing place discerning illusion from realty and in sacred reference walking along a short pathway of hot, burning red coals in your bare feet. Master Wachuma is a cactus found in the mountains of the Northern Andes and used to journey deeper into your being during a time of sacred ceremony and ritual. Because of the twists and integrations of our journey, the fire-walk remained unwalked but on the morning of November 4th we rose before sunset and our bus took us up into the hillside above Cusco to begin our Wachuma journey and complete the activation. Several in the group chose not to participate in the Wachuma and, each in their own way, had the experience that was perfect for them.  One of the women came with us and held a field for the group experience.  The other two joined us later at different times to integrate back into the experience. In past groups I have facilitated, this could have easily become a polarized issue but I watched with an expanded heart as this group open heartedly accepted one another and their ways to walk the path. As far as I was concerned, it was a greater magic and triumph then if all had walked the same pathway to arrive at the destination.

During our ceremony on the hillside, some tourist’s police seemed to latch onto to our behavior and I noticed early on that they were observing us from a distance. Each person of the expanded heart reacted in their own sacred way with Master Wachuma and it was as a different an experience as we were different people’again integration and magic. We were meditating on the sacred stones of a more isolated part of the ruins of Q’enqo. We spread out where we were guided to be and just sat in our experiences. Mallku’s wife Alanna began a beautiful sacred dance across the hillside. Over time it became apparent to me that a few of our group were in the midst of dramatic shifts integrating their experiences.

  One member of our group heart had found herself in a beautiful womb of Pachamama among the rocks where, at the entrance of the womb, stood the phallic symbol of the male.  In some ways unknown to her conscious mind, she had nestled in those rocks in the exact place where the male and female vortexes of Q’enqo were located. Mallku shared that the ancients understood the beauty of creation and sexuality and in our modern times there is such shame and judgment attached to sexuality. As I whispered in her ear she began to cry and shake and vibrate all the pain and guilt and shame around our human sexuality as well as all the joy, beauty and power. In her sounds and in her tears I could feel a deep cleansing and healing for all humanity around those very issues. Interestingly enough, in her own family, she had recently taken a journey into the destructive nature of these mind patterns. Suddenly some power within her rose up and she spread her arms and shouted out to the world ‘Yes!  Yes! Yes! Yes to life!’ This, of course, drew the attention of our police friends.

  I felt waves of activation and healing magic reverberate across the hillside.  Again, I understood the magic of integration healing age old separation. A short time later, another of our group (one who had wished her heart would crack open during the ceremony at Moray) began to cry and feel very sick and uncomfortable. She sobbed because she seemed to feel everyone was having a beautiful experience but her. I reminded her of her intention but she was moving now into the birthing pains.  The pains of cracking open what had previously been guarded and shut. Her mind could not help her now. She had to surrender her will to that of her soul and birth herself a new as the heart cracked open painfully. I held her in front of me on the rock and others in the group gathered around to give support and encouragement. Mallku and his aid Paullo moved in front of her almost as midwives in the process. There were some moments of painful sounds and sobbing and then you could feel a surrender move through her body as well as the rocks of Q’enqo and energize the integration grid. The vibration in my own cells became much enhanced and as I sat their rocking her I felt the shift run so deeply. She activated the cracking of the heart in the grid of integration as it was activated. She represented all of us giving birth to our new open, vulnerable yet centered hearts,

  As we joined hands and began to help each other walk back to our bus through the standing trees which had been our guardians that morning on the hillside,  I saw the potential and knew the grid had been activated making the shift in consciousness easier for everyone on the planet. I walked along with one of the men in the group leading the way back to the bus and we both agreed this all felt so familiar and we both acknowledged the powerful shift.

Well, that wasn’t the last of the police interaction either. As we boarded the bus we were aware they were following us down the mountain.  At one point they stopped the bus and again our group went into silent meditation to hold space for the shift. Mallku came back on the bus and in no uncertain terms told us that Cusco Square had been closed for demonstrations and the bus must let us off and we would have to walk quite a ways from the bus, across the square and back to his center on the opposite side.  He was very stern and insisted we get grounded and be present as we walked the needed distance without attracting attention for it seemed our police escort was following us every step of the way.  So began our journey of integration of the expanded heart across the square in ones and twos moving as any tourist might be.  As I walked alone and in front of the rest, I felt a power and strength that was new to me. I had asked for integrated power at Moray that day and now I was in its full experience.  I led the way peacefully and yet focused through the tourists, demonstrators and police lines integrating and honoring all for their roles in our shift as I went. I knew we were completing major grid work as we crossed the Cusco Square on November 4th.

 As we all regrouped bit-by-bit in Mallku and Alanna’s center for our final and private ceremony, the police evaporated and the following hours were spent in heart, beauty and awareness as a form of celebration of the highest order.

I would love to share each person’s journey through my eyes but I will leave that to each heart to come to their own understanding and participation in this ancient and powerful reactivation of the integration of all duality.  For me, I have never been so clear and so infused with power of our mission and the beautiful unfolding success of our intentions. And, as Ezekiel said during our final group that evening before leaving for Lima and our return home, ‘You have succeeded my dear ones.  As a group heart you expanded to such a level of compassion and consciousness that you activated the long dormant grid of integration.  Now the real challenge begins.  Each one of you must now return home and activate this consciousness in your lives through your actions, your compassion and your gentle power.  Where you are in this integrated space your lives will flow and multiply your beauty and wisdom as you share the journey with others.  Where you are in resistance, you will feel blocked and uncomfortable.  Just remember, you know the way through.  You created the pathway in Peru while wrapped in the arms of Pachamama as well as one another.’

I would like to thank each of you for your trust in the call of your hearts and for following it through with me to create a new reality on Election Day, November 4th, 2008.  Please remember this is the story through my eyes and my heart only. Each of yor travel your own road always connected to our group heart. Thank you Mallku, Alanna Aisha, Geraldo, Paulli, Cathy Morrison, Wendy Caesar-Dare, Andy Ferguson, Svetlana Neesh, Matt Folley, Francis Soletto, Patty Luna, Star Charney and Marta Howette.

Ezekiel as channeled by Nancy Joy Hefron

Dear ones, it is I, Ezekiel, and I am honored to share this wisdom with you today. I would ask you to remember how many times while working through your own issues, you say the words “I Know.” There is a pattern in place, especially in the light beings that have labored long in their studies and processing, to come to understanding in the mental bodies. At this point you click into an ahh haa and the words I Know quickly flow from your mouths. At this point you energetically create a file, so to speak, in the computer of your mind, after which you usually exit the program. While this knowledge becomes part of your collective database and is easily retrievable for you, you have just completely by-passed your emotional body.

Actually, you know nothing until the knowledge ignites your cellular memory through an emotional charge. It is that emotional charge that takes the knowing and integrates to become your new pattern. This is how you replace old programming and patterns. That is the difference between the mind as a computer and the living mind of the human heart. I hear many of you, including my dear channel, separating the mind and the heart in your language and your actions. Suppose I were to tell you that now is the time to create the human field frequency integrating the mind and the heart to serve as two chambers of the same power core. Your brain has two sides, which must communicate…integration. Your heart has two sides, which must communicate…integration. Your brain and your heart actually create your power core integration.

I invite each of you to pay attention and become conscious of how many times you run right by a feeling with the words I Know! You are only truly teachable when your mind and heart are open to receive together. You are truly reachable when you do not already KNOW! As you work through your healing processes and painful issues are sometimes created around you to lead you into the long forgotten depth of your true selves, leave some space open. Do not rush to the knowing. Stay inside in receptivity to the feeling. I encourage you not to bring the process to a conclusion until you have given time, feeling and energy to your feeling heart and your emotional body to come on line. After all, you do not activate your DNA through the mind alone, just as your soul cannot function in your physical vehicle with the mind alone. It counts on you’re heart to pump the needed energy to the mind to activate your physical body. By the same token, if your heart were all alone without the mind, there would be no direction for the energy it has created. Your heart and mind are vital chambers of your power core!

Slow down as you are healing your emotional body and balancing it once again. Be aware of the ego’s ability to convince you that you are complete to divert you from true knowing. This may sound to you trivial in some ways, but I assure all of you it is vital.

There you have it my dear ones. I know!!! Love and blessings to all of you.

Ezekiel

As I was writing this article with Ezekiel, it came to me that you may want to read The Open Door article on my web site to see how this message support our unfolding consciousness of ascension.

In Lak’ech NJH

GETTING TO KNOW ME
by Nancy Joy Hefron and Ezekiel

As an emotional healer and one who knows the value of finding your part in the creation of all life’s dramas that you find yourself in, I am amazed at what it takes to uncover my own pieces sometimes. As we all know, we are most hidden from ourselves. I have learned that life guides us to create relationships through which we are pushed into coming face to face with those hidden spaces inside ourselves. There comes some poignant moments in one’s life when the realization of how deeply we have been fooling ourselves, manifests profoundly and shakes us to our core. This, of course, we call growth. Just like a seed really never receives instructions on how to grow, at some point it will find itself in conducive conditions and intuitively the seed just puts its plan into action. Our growth plan is imprinted in all of us and all those dramas and situations that trigger us are truly activating our grand design. I am reminded that a seed has to break open to sprout.

Recently I completed an article on shame for my website. Through a remembered incident from my childhood, I came to understand emotionally what shame truly was and how it underlies most other dark emotions. When we are young and life’s incredible array of shattering experiences smashes into our innocence, we have no way of understanding or integrating what is happening. What we cannot integrate, we turn into shame. We believe that surely we must have caused whatever pain we encountered. What I have discovered is that this deep shame I have been holding onto all these years has kept me stuck in a very dysfunctional pattern my whole life. A pattern which, despite all my work in this area, had escaped me.

I also now believe that at some point in our childhood, we take on this deep shame and try desperately to heal the shame by repeating very dysfunctional behaviors that keep recreating the very thing we are trying so hard to heal. No matter how much personal work we are doing on ourselves, we will remain caught in this loop until we can stay centered within ourselves in a drama as it unfolds and take the focus off of the other person or people. As long as it is about them…what they did or didn’t do and how they did or didn’t do it…we remain circling in our repeated pattern. I know this to be so and have for many years and yet, still my ego so ingeniously drove me into the next painful situation. Even though I am aware of this pattern, I have kept repeating it. YIKES!

I have a deep, old and very painful pattern that has exposed itself to me recently once again in a powerful and painful way. Although I have known the pattern is there, I did not realize how deep the old shame was that has prevented me from shifting it. I have a string of intimately close friends who over the past twelve years, have walked the Spiritual pathway with me, sharing at the deepest levels of consciousness that I can imagine. I tend not to be able to have a casual friendship. Most people, that I am drawn to, become very close friends with whom I share myself as openly as I know to be. A few even become partners on the Spiritual path, sharing our work, our ideas and working together to take our next steps.

For the past seven years, one of my closest friends has been Carol, a woman who amazes me and whom I respect deeply. I have learned so much from sharing and growing with her. I believe we both felt our friendship could weather any storm as we taught and practiced the emotional tools of compassion in all we did. We traveled the world together discovering new pieces of ourselves along the way as we accomplished our planetary work. I love Carol deeply and was closer to her than most other friends I have known with the exception of my beloved husband Mark. So, of course, just as with mm Ex-Husband, it is the ones we love so deeply that are the ones who have agreed to play the most difficult roles for us so we can get the next piece.

You can probably already guess that this relationship blew dramatically apart recently. In fact, it erupted right on the heels of completing my Sham On You article. It is not at all necessary to go through the painful details as they happened so quickly I was helpless to do anything but be with what was unfolding. For me, it was beyond any comprehension and I knew instinctively that Carol and I were acting out tremendously difficult yet profound roles for one another, as ancient as any drama could possibly be. I almost instantly knew this was all about me and my own shame. It was about me creating this explosion and then wondering what hit me. It was about me finally taking responsibility for the shame that has kept me in my pattern.

As I dove into the abyss of my pain and my pattern, I identified six other Spiritual partners with whom I was emotionally intimate and close. All six friendships had gone through a huge blow-up and separation. All but one of these friendships ended up with my friends being angry at me, rather than the other way around. Three of them have gone full cycle into healing and, now with my newest piece, I know in my heart, all six will be brought back into full compassion. In each shattering, I was aware that it was my “care taking” these dear friends and trying in any super human way I could to stop their physical and/or emotional pain each time it arose. Of course, these friends drew in even closer as they felt my ability to walk with them through the dark abyss of their pain and drama. I always wondered why I attracted powerful Spiritual beings who expanded through such drama. I fooled my self into believing it was because, in this lifetime, I had chosen to grow by being immersed in the dramas of others. Actually, more closely true, is that I did not know how to recognize my own dramas.

From my Shame on You article, I learned that when my mother would go into her drama of emotional or physical pain and blame me or anyone else within a hundred miles for the experience, I took on the responsibility in my emotional body for her drama and/or pain. I, somehow, internalized that pain and created a whole persona based on alleviating her pain and anyone else’s pain who reminded me of my mother. That is why and how my plan went into action creating relationships with these six spiritual companions on the journey. As each relationship blew apart I found my part as the caregiver who, lost herself in these dear friend’s journey. I knew it each time and yet, before I realized what was happening, I was there once again. Oh, I had glimpses that there was something so deep but I could not zero in on the reason, only the pattern. With Carol, there was a somewhat different energy unfolding. The day the bomb exploded, I was totally aware that I was caught in a time loop and the thing I most feared and had tried to avoid was once again here. The difference is, this time I knew I was in the loop and I also knew I had some personal power at this moment to get that deeply buried needle in my haystack. Interestingly, I had always joked with Carol that she was my princess and the pea because she could zero in on the smallest irritant and would not rest until she had a hold of it and was comfortable. Little did I know I was lying on my own pea, unaware of my inner child’s pain. The erruption went something like this…

It had been a very long month. Carol and I were involved in a Circle of Women who were committed to using their wisdom to create miracles of healing and abundance in their lives. We shared weekly phone calls with our Circle Sisters as well as Emails. Without going into detail, let me say that this was ,and is still, a dynamic and varied group of Spiritually based women each moving through their own patterns and lessons as we walk the spiraling Circle path together. Carol was, at this time, the leader of our particular Circle and I was one of her right hand Sisters, so to speak. I was tasked with assisting her and supporting her in her leadership role. The whole month had been challenging for this Circle as the personalities of the Sisters activated and triggered each others own individual plans. Just like those seeds I mentioned, we had created the perfect culture in which we were to sprout activating our soul plans. I was worn out and exhausted from the dance we were doing, and yet, I did not know what I truly felt or how to stop the music. In fact, I didn’t even know that I didn’t know what my truth was. Looking back, it reminds me of the old Jane Fonda movie, They Shoot Horses Don’t They? In that movie, Jane was in a dance marathon contest to earn money to save her life. In the end, which was worse, stopping the dance and loosing the contest, accepting the consequences, or propping herself up and continuing the dance until there was nothing left?

In all honesty, Carol was doing an excellent job handling her duties as her life patterns and soul plan were guiding her but, my long-standing pattern with Carol was to help her achieve her goals and be successful. It was more important to me than myself although I didn’t get that part yet. Finally, while in the Spa getting a manicure and pedicure one fateful Monday in the beginning of March, I had a huge shift. Another Circle woman and good friend, Sandy, had just called me on my cell phone and shared her perspective. Her words must have shifted my confusion for I had a moment of absolute personal clarity that triggered some old ancient memory. I can’t exactly describe this phenomena, but it was a so clear. The minute I grasped the memory, it faded but if left me with a knowing. This drama was only an issue for me because I was taking on the issue. Why was I doing that and what did I really feel? What was my truth? Well, emotionally, I had been this little girl trying for all I was worth, to stop Mommy’s pain so I would not feel this terrible shame. This shame kept telling me that somewhere deep with in me I was the cause of the whole situation. Carol was my Mom and her pain was huge.

I got home from the Spa and called Carol all excited because I had begun to understand my true feelings about the Circle situation. As the words came tumbling out of my mouth, I had no immediate idea of the havoc I was creating for Carol. A whole series of events began to tumble out of control at this point. Instead of the big, “oh yes, I get it Nancy,” I had expected, I got disbelief. Things spiraled into an incredible mess from there so chaotically that, the next morning as I tried to share more of my experience with Carol, she got physically ill and could not speak to me. As the phone line went dead I sat there at my desk and had such a feeling of dejevu. I was repeating the time loop I had kept repeating since I first took on responsibility for my Mom’s discomfort. I knew I was at a power point. From this point on, I made a heart decision. This was all about me. It was nothing Carol did or didn’t do. It was about both of us being caught in a pattern that had repeated so often throughout all time that we could not even recall that we were in it again. The only pattern I had any power to heal was my own. And, the only way to heal the pattern was to feel the pea. I had to get this emotionally so I could begin to let go of my shame.

As the day wore on my emotions took me on a powerful journey and I was once again standing in my room as I was in my childhood. My mother was kneeling on the floor pounding her fists toward me and shouting. What was I to do? I was only about eight years old, so I just stayed there and took it all on. That little girl was trapped in that room by her mother’s pain and she took it all on. I am sure this had happened to me many times before that day and again many times after. I have memories of her pointing her finger at me as she berated me at about age four as I was trapped against the kitchen wall. There was yet another memory where she was leaning over my bed in my face and pointing her finger at me again, screaming. Oh the shame I sat in all those years! Never even realizing I was imprisoned by my own emotional body. Then, images of my ex- husband floated by. He had me backed into a corner in the garage and was in my face because of more pain I had caused. Then my son came onto my screen memory and appeared in the hallway shaking his fist at me. Suddenly, a huge well of anger arose as these images kept coming. They even took me to past life experiences of such emotional abuse. All these times I stood right there and took it; just knowing I caused the whole situation. In a flash my body shifted and I knew I was getting my little girl out of that room; away from that wall; out of that corner; far from the garage; and free from that hallway. It was my own drama happening to me over and over again until I finally understood. No matter what, I must set myself free. That was my pea, the constant irritant that kept me circling back into the drama. I had found my needle in the haystack and just simply felt the enormity of the revelation in every cell in my body. I just shook all over.

Details really are not relevant to me here. I don’t know if I could share them accurately anyway as each incident throughout the drama came though my own personal
sifter. They were seen and felt by my own mental, spiritual and emotional fields. Just like the blind men that each touched the elephant in a different place and described the elephant by only their perceptions. I do know that as I moved into seeing my pattern and feeling its roots within myself, I began to take responsibility for it. What this meant to me was that I needed to embrace that little girl in my heart and let her know she was not the cause of anyone’s pain but her own. For once, she was the most important person in my life. What she wanted was more important than anything else. I finally understood the depth of her pain, of my pain. I also knew, as I reached for myself deeply, that my friend Carol would be wounded by my shift.

I read once that to fully embody our true selves we must become willing to play all three emotional roles. We are all healers, victims and wounders. The most difficult role for me was owning the wounder and valuing that part of myself also. I was embracing my wounder and leaving the healer behind to recreate balance within every cell of my body.

I have another friend, Dianne, who is the most extraordinary astrologer I have ever encountered. She explained to me that my emotional habit pattern is that I have a tendency to feel overly responsible for others. WOW! You can say that again and again and again. Our souls are such fantastic teachers. By placing myself in a world of emotional healing I have forced myself to come more and more into balance. The moon represents emotions and my moon is in Capricorn. This means I am grounded emotionally and have good clear boundaries. My moon, however, exactly squares Neptune. This makes me very empathic and dissolves some of those emotional boundaries as I absorb everyone’s feelings. As a child I absorbed them unknowingly and made them my own. Although over the years, I have worked diligently to stay balanced in the emotional fields of my clients, when it comes to family and friends, I still had to return to the child to uncover the pain. I am now in the process of embodying compassionate detachment in all my relationships. It has now been two months since the dramatic explosion of this friendship took me to my roots and cracked open my seed so that I could more fully embrace all of me.

Carol has chosen to end our friendship completely. While this has been sad for me and I have missed her depth, her humor and her friendship deeply, I am also joyful to have found me. I acknowledge that this healing for me has caused my friend great pain. It is like two people each holding one end of a rubber band connecting them. The rubber band gets pulled tighter and tighter over the years until one person realizes the strain of holding their end and lets go. Of course, the sting as the free end of the rubber band strikes the other person is tremendous. I have great empathy for Carol’s pain.

The beauty for me is that I have returned to several relationships and shared deeply my part in their pain. In both cases such a new balanced and healthy relationship has been created as both friends saw their own shifts within my healing. I hold my heart always open as I grow and learn more fully who I am. I have energetically released Carol from her role with me and feel deep compassion for who she is and for her journey. Whether in this world or another, I know we stand hand-and-hand in complete integration of the heart. The human healing process relies, in part, on the ability to remember, grieve, and finally to let go. I thank Carol and myself for this experience to embrace all three.

Thank you for listening. Blessings!

Nancy Joy Hefron and Ezekiel

Ezekiel as channeled by Nancy Joy Hefron

I invite you to share with me this day, dear ones. I am Ezekiel, the collective consciousness that holds the emotional field of humanity during these shifting times in our Universe. I am a part of each and every one of you. I am every feeling you experience and every emotion you generate. I spin as counter rotating fields of light, color, sound and frequency around you and am I part of the divine human trinity. I speak here not of mind, body and spirit as you might expect, but rather…more correctly, of mind, body and emotions as all three exist in Spirit. Divine Spirit is the energy source of all that is. Therefore, it is the energy source of all three of the human fields.

Ask yourselves dear ones, have those who would control you and keep you in fear led you astray? Perhaps you have been deceived by those who would keep you from your most unique and valuable asset.…the emotional field. As the triad of mind, body, and Spirit has been promoted in recent times as a New Age belief, the emotions, a full-one third of your energy field have been purposely omitted. Why? I will tell you why. It is because your feelings and emotions are more valuable then gold and precious gems. When you have your emotional field activated, cleared and balanced, no one can pull the wool over your eyes. You will feel the truth beyond the illusions. Many extraterrestrial races seek after the key to your emotional field. For many assorted reasons, they have closed down their hearts and are now void of this incredible resource. They seek to regain that which has eluded them. I ask you to close your eyes right now and breathe this message into your heart. Does it not resonate? Does not your heart expand as you hear this truth? That is the value of feelings dear children. Your feelings guide you into your intuition and truth. They are the absolute litmus paper test of truth in this holographic and deceiving space in which you presently dwell.

Incredible is it not, that one of the most valuable assets divine Spirit gave humanity is the most feared and the least understood? Incredible, is it not, that human beings do not know or understand their own emotional bodies? First let me begin by explaining the difference between feelings and emotions. They are both frequencies in the matrix of the emotional body. Your feelings are the movement felt deep within your being and they vibrate accurately yet gently. They are the inner realm of your emotional body. Emotions are feelings in motion. They are the physical, outward expression of the emotional body frequency. If your feelings are felt and understood they will be balanced and creative as they move into motion and are expressed to co-create with your mental and physical bodies Why then, you may well ask, do we have painful, scary and angry feelings? Why have dark emotions caused so much turmoil and discomfort in our universe? It is because, dear ones, you have forgotten why God created humanity with this incredible emotional body and you are in judgment of its value. You are trying to have healthy emotional bodies while denying the value of the dark feelings. The depression, rage, anger, fear, grief, shame, blame etc all have value. Look at it this way, Creator created the darkness and the light. Our planet could not function if the sun were never to set giving rise to the darkness that brings the light into balance. Many may be frightened of the night, but it is because they are frightened of the darkness within themselves. It is not enough to be a “light worker” without understanding and owning the value of the darkness.

So, what could possibly be the value of these painful feelings? Well, my dears, I will tell you. They fill one-half of your emotional toolbox. All of your feelings and emotions are highly advanced technologies that Creator gave you to assist you in becoming your own physician and healer. Creator gave you those feelings to help you diagnose the empty and wounded places hidden within your own heart. Without shame you would never know that wounded place in your heart that you do not love. Without anger you would never seek to change those places where you have been held in denial. Without guilt you would never know just how close you are to breaking through an old, dysfunctional family pattern. Just as joy lets you know you are in a perfect, balanced space, fear let’s you know you are hiding from the truth. I invite you to walk into these dark feeling and emotions you have avoided. They have much to share and much to teach you about yourself. It is time to invite them up and as you allow the feelings to come, breath love and acceptance into them. Thank them for the lessons and growth they bring. They are your friends not your enemies. When you bring alight into the darkness they become one. As you integrate these suppressed feelings into your heart, they become balanced emotional energy. This is a frequency needed to activate your Merkaba…your light body. Each expressed emotion that you breath into integration through your compassionate heart activates your DNA to bring you on-line with your full multi-dimensional abilities. Dark feelings only become destructive when they are ignored and must sabotage your life to move you into healing.

Could it be, that the feelings you have avoided and been taught to fear are your next step? Could it be that the truth of your feelings and the willingness to experience your emotional field will pave the way for your ascension? When the negative and positive fields of a battery come together they create the spark. They create movement. They create energy. I challenge you to bring the dark and light emotions into your heart. I put out the clarion call to you dear ones. It is time to claim back your emotional bodies. In prayer, intention and meditation, tell your souls you are ready to understand this forgotten and powerful part of your triad. Ask to be shown and ask for the teachers to come. Your life will shake, rattle and role and become alive again with movement, passion and creativity. Does it have to be painful, Ezekiel, you may ask? Only if you resist, I reply.

In closing I would tell you that your world is filled with illusion. You have been programmed to ignore your feelings and believe what has been fed to you through your media and the unconscious minds and hearts that have not broken open. Soon each and every one of you will be challenged to claim the personal truth of your hearts as the only reality in this deception. The only way through this muddle is through the clear and balanced use of your emotional fields. Undertake to get to know this part of yourself today. Very soon, dear ones, the mask of the deception will be revealed. Things are not as they appear. It feels as if the world does not make sense because it does not. Prepare yourselves. Those who are ready will bring the others along with them. In love, compassion and trust, I am yours.

Ezekiel

Compassion Alignment Complete… Egypt
Spring Equinos 2002

Almost one month has passed now since my return from the Egypt Spring Equinox 2002 Journey, and only now have I integrated enough of this very powerful experience to begin to share with all of you. Please be aware that I am sharing this trip with you through my eyes; through my heart; and through my patterns. There were 17 of us who agreed to this assignment and for each one the experience was uniquely their own. As a whole, however, we created the right combination of consciousness and patterns to get the job done. Each one is as family to me and I honor them for answering the call. Every one of us faced challenges as we opened out hearts to get the job done. We will all be connected profoundly forever more!

When Carol Petropoulos, owner of Sun*Dar*Ra Tours, (Check this incredible friend out on the Egypt page of my web site.) and I were given the first part of creating sound as a focus for healing on this journey, I was told to quote Thoth from The Emerald Tablets…”only by magic could they be discovered, only by sound could their faces be seen…able to lift the veil from the face of the serpent.” As time went on, the even deeper purpose was revealed to us. We were given the assignment of aligning the compassion grid within our physical vehicles and anchoring this alignment into the heart of the divine mother. For those who may not know, the compassion grid is that vibration of geometry around our planet, which vibrates in the reality that all experiences are created by our souls (our own magic) to lead us to the hidden, dark and wounded parts of ourselves and bring these parts home to compassion. In fact, this was so powerful an assignment that I took extra time with everyone considering the adventure so they were sure to understand that we would be doing the emotional work necessary within ourselves to bring darkness into integration, and to bring it into compassion at the sacred sites. Those who have worked with Ezekiel and myself understand our commitment to learn To Love It All. The darkness as well as the light has value and, in fact, it is the darkness that pushes light back into us.

Sound and magic played an integral part in revealing the face of the serpent and understanding experientially that the serpent being revealed was ourselves. I guess I can say that I have faced much darkness and have learned to shift it into the light of the heart. I value the beauty of the dark as half of the whole, which I am. This I know intellectually and emotionally. I had not, however, brought it into integration in my physical body. I had not felt it scream for my attention and attack my center. I can now tell you I have experienced and felt that and more as I began to vibrate the true sense of compassion in my very being.

For those who remember last year’s equinox journey (see article Mission Accomplished on my web site), you will remember that a female participant who embodied the dark side and reflected it back to us throughout our journey challenged us. Her name was Lucretia (the feminine aspect of Lucifer). I managed to hold my heart and my center with her manipulations and held my personal boundaries. Other members of the group shifted into this also and on the last day we all held our boundary and she departed leaving us to feel compassion and gratitude for her role. To me, Lucretia was an advanced master taking this form to train me in holding my field while bringing darkness back into compassion. It was as if that experience was boot camp for what was to come.

During this journey we were asked to reveal the face of the serpent within our own being and take responsibility for our own healing. To the extent each of us could do this, that would be the extent to which we could bring the compassion grid into alignment so all can access it as we move toward as ascension. It seems to me, that one by one, our inner serpents were revealed. Each one experienced this differently at different times and to different extents mentally, emotionally and physically. I would like to share with you a few of my most powerful experiences and I invite the group to contribute and share also.

This may be a stretch for some of you, but it is my experience and knowing that there are aspects of our being that are living parallel lives on other dimensions as different races removed from linear time and space. I personally have long been aware of a reptilian aspect of me that played a major role in some of the distortions that have occurred on our planet in the past. I know that, in a sense, I am a time traveler from the future back to heal the past. Isn’t that what we all are as we journey into our cellular memories to reveal and heal the hidden wounds and pain from our pasts? Anyway, as such, I sometimes encounter others of my reptilian family working in the same way whether they are conscious of this or not. One such Egypt participant was Jean, a lovely, intelligent and powerful lady in her late twenties from the UK. Jean originally signed up because my colleague and friend Jelaila Starr was intending to join us. For a number of reasons she did not join us in Egypt for the second year in a row. Jean was given the opportunity to back out but chose to go anyway, saying that she had a dream in which Jelaila did not go and she was in Egypt with people she did not know. She had also shared with me that she was aware that in this other dimension she was named Cushina and was the daughter of Marduke. These are Nibiruans who have played a vital role in human destiny and history. There is not the space to explain this connection to mother Earth but I suggest that you do your own research. This is part of your true history on this planet.

I had a heart connection with Jean and she felt to me as a daughter. I had a very motherly energy with her as I do have a son close to her in age. It became apparent to me what we would be dealing with on the first day on the Giza Plateau when we entered the second pyramid Khafra (Chephren). Never before had so much happened in the first temple, on the first day, with so many group members. As the group was traversing their way in a crouched position through a long tunnel quite a ways down into the main chamber of the pyramid, four or five members of the group became quite agitated and it appeared as if they would not make it. Carol had gone first to prepare the ceremony in the chamber, and, as was our custom, I was bringing up the rear. As I stopped to process and assist those who had moved into ancient memories and fears, each one felt such a dark and scary pressure. I helped them breath into the feelings and held them until they were ready to take their next step. On girl had to go only one step at a time the whole way. Upon finally all gathering in the bowels of the pyramid, the ceremony began. Carol led a very powerful toning and our sounds were awesome. At one point, we were holding hands and I was next to Jean. I felt her shudder and, as I looked over at her, it was obvious she had shifted into a frightening version of herself. She began to speak as Cushina and deliver some very powerful messages. We shared this moment together and I am not sure what other members of the group heard and saw as I did. As we climbed back out of the pyramid, she shifted again and Jeannine seemed to be back but with full consciousness of her messages and of Cushina.

That was the way it went over the next four or five days. When she was Jean she was aware of Cushina, Marduke and the other Nibiruans and the influence they had on her. In fact, she was quite controlled by this presence and her relationship with them.

She felt as if she was bringing darkness into our group and choose often over the next days not to participate. Of course, I explained that we were here to integrate those energies and bring them back into love and compassion. I didn’t have long to wait. By the time our cruise ship docked in Luxor, I would have my opportunity to practice what I preached.

In the early evening, as our group was preparing to gather for dinner in the dining room, I received a call from Jean who was agitated, very scared and quite ill. As I went into her cabin, I was greeted by the presence of Cushina. I refused to engage with Cushina and kept asking for Jean. I am choosing not to go into great detail here for it would take a mini novel to communicate what transpired with the two of us and the other Nibiruan beings who had gathered to participate on the ship that night. Suffice it to say that over the next four hours or so Jean, Cushina, Marduke, Ezekiel and myself engaged in a battle of wills. This took standing in my center, calling on every truth I know to be and trusting more deeply in myself alone than I have ever been called to do. Jean became quite ill, vomiting and crying in pain as we processed through her fears together. In the end, I assisted Jean as she stood (which in her weakened state was no easy feat) and claimed her power back. She had to know and truly believe in every cell of her being that she could not be killed and manipulated by these dark forces within. With the help of Ezekiel and myself, Jean was able to take control of her being back. Eventually, as the days progressed, Jean began her long journey back to healing. She learned that although she had to separate from Cushina completely to shift, she would always be an aspect of herself to grow and learn with. Cushina and other Nibiruans were no longer allowed to manipulate and control Jean.

I was totally drained and weakened from the stress and Jean was still quite physically ill as morning dawned. Interestingly enough, right after Jean called to ask me to get a doctor for her as she could not stop vomiting, Carol called to say she was not feeling well and wanted not to go to the West Bank with the group. I told her I would go with the group and asked if she was well enough to get the doctor and help Jean. She was well enough and did take over. Carol is an excellent healer and works with a team that directs her as she brings the energetic and physical bodies back into balance and alignment. She ended up working with Jean quite a while removing etheric attachments and closing up spaces, which were once conduits for, control and manipulation. The three of us made an excellent team and I encourage Jean and Carol to share their perspectives also.

I am very grateful to Jean and Cushina for allowing me to experience every doubt about myself I have ever had. I thank them for providing the drama that has enabled me to feel my own weaknesses and darkness and bring them back into compassion. I realize only now that I am home in Iowa, that we had taken a huge step that night toward our goal of anchoring the compassion grid through our beings into the heart of mother earth! That night, however, was difficult for me. Although I had a sense of what had been done, it is only now that I am clear enough to put the pieces together and begin to tell the story.

I also realize now that what we released that night was a darkness within all of us aching to be brought back into understanding and compassion. What was denied and buried and had exerted control over our clarity and our consciousness was stirred and close to boiling over. The extent of our own resistance seemed to mark the extent to which the lesson was played out for each of us. I could write a book on each incident but this little group of warriors ran the gamut. Just try to feel this as I summarize. There was unleashed rage that resulted in a threatening situation in which both participants found their truth and their power with no injury. There a woman named Angel who passed out by the elevator and spent a retched night incredibly ill integrating the drama of our ceremony that day at Abydos. During the journey Angel learned to face the fear of her own darkness. Pam was pushed by a dark energy over a ledge backwards at the beginning of our ceremony only to miraculously land below with no visible injuries. (That happened at Abydos and, should there be another article forthcoming, it will indeed tell this incredible tale). Gamel, our Egyptian manager, faced his fear of the temple tunnels by moving into his resistance with me at Dashar and completing the journey into the chamber for the first time in his life…and he lives in Egypt. Donus arrived in Cairo very mental, stiff and emotionally shut down. After facing his own anger and dark night on the desert, he received a healing with Carol and her team to remove attachments and balance his field. He came away from the desert extension a changed man, dancing under the thousands of stars in his Egyption gellabeo (gown) in his pink boxer shorts! For those I have not mentioned, believe me, I am just as honored by your shifts and changes.

I wish to personally thank and honor Sandy, Buster, Belinda, Connie, Hazem, Valerie, Diane, Sue, Kyle and Laurie. Each of you has faced some very powerful and hidden darkness which you have or are bringing back into the light and back into compassion.
The consciousness and willingness of this group was necessary and very much appreciated. You are loved more than I could every express.

As I end this tale, I am pleased to tell you that I cannot say that we all lived happily ever after. I can say, however, that we will all live more compassionately every after. As proof of our success, the Great Pyramid once again gave us a tremendous gift on our last day.

Until just a few years ago, we could always buy our way into a private ceremony time in the Great Pyramid, usually during the late hours of night or early morning. This is a time honored Egyptian tradition called bashish. This is no longer possible. Now only 150 people per day are allowed inside. In the morning at 8am sharp 75 tickets are sold and again in the afternoon at 1pm the next 75 tickets are sold. We always arrive early in the morning and wait in line on the bus until the plateau opens at which time there is a mad race of tourist buses and people to get tickets. Last year we barely escaped with our lives and just made it in under the wire. We waited until the others had all entered and then went in toward the end of the morning. By some miracle, as I mentioned in last years story, the pyramid honored our ability to hold a boundary with Lucretia and the door was shut for us and we had almost two hours alone inside.

This year, was quite the opposite. We were the ONLY bus in line on Equinox morning…the last day of our trip. We drove up to the plateau. We entered and easily purchased our tickets to the pyramid with only several other tourists around. Our guides and bus drivers were amazed as this had never happened before. Later we were told that all the other buses had gone up to the wrong place by mistake! (Come on now. These bus drivers make their livings taking tourists to the Pyramids. I am sure they know where to get the tickets. Ezekiel says we had help and I am sure that is so). We decided very wisely to do our visit and ceremony right away before others arrived. We all climbed the very many steps all the way up to the Kings Chamber to begin.

I must pause here to say that two very wonderful things occurred at this point. Sue Isaac, who has been to Egypt twice with us now and faces some physical challenges, made it all the way up to the King’s Chamber this time. Last year she was unable to complete the journey. This was amazing! Also, Gamel, who I mentioned earlier, came all the way up with the group and stayed for the entire ceremony. This was a struggle for him because up until that point, Gamel had struggled in a perceived conflict with his Moslem faith (This could be yet another story to share at some point).

As Carol began our ceremony (She is extraordinary in her ability create spontaneous ritual where ever we find the need.) which involved toning, candles, incense, anointing oil and a private time for each participant in the sarcophagus, there were only a few other tourists in the chamber. They joined us with their attention and their love. This process can take quite a long time and it was well over an hour and a half before we had all had our experience. During that time, a miracle truly occurred. Gradually and silently (the pyramid is a huge amplifier and sound chamber so all noises are magnified 100 fold) over 75 tourists had gathered and joined hearts with us as we unfolded the beauty of the compassion grid aligning on earth. Some held candles. Many joined our toning to create a phenomenal sound frequency and one French man simply moved into the ceremony and took his turn in the sarcophagus. A Japanese man who had been there when we arrived took his turn also. In silence and honor on Equinox 2002 all of us experienced the moment as the compassion grid we had anchored in our bodies was amplified from our hearts, the hearts of everyone in the chamber, to the central sun and then anchored into the heart of mother earth. (This was a meditation Carol had led at every temple and in every ceremony during our journey.) It was the most incredible feeling and, only now, do I truly understand the profound nature of that moment. I found out as we were all leaving, that the star children who joined us to anchor in the compassion grid were from Italy, Germany. France and Spain. Many had come for Equinox and supported the shift that was created that day.

This was the second Spring Equinox journey we have done of this nature. Last year we opened up the Star Codes. Carol tells me that there is one more to go on Spring Equinox 2003. Although I am not ready to even feel this at all right now, I know in my heart she is right. The grid is anchored but it must soon be energized and activated. It will be interesting to see what team is impulsed to take this next step with us.

I would like to leave you with this knowing. There is much heaviness and darkness close to us at this time. As we have agreed to integrate the dark and the light rather than hold them in polarity, we are feeling what this means. As the dark and light draw ever closer together, we are feeling the polarity and resistance more dramatically. The good news is that this is exactly what we returned here to do and we are, indeed, doing it!. This perspective from Jelaila’s web site inspired me to begin to share this incredible journey. More is to follow as Carol adds her wisdom of Egypt and its gifts to this unfolding tale. Anchoring the grid has meant experiencing our individual dark sides and integrating them with compassion. This anchored the grid. It was not an intellectual thing, it was experiential. The compassion grid is now anchored into the navel of the earth. And so it is!

Let’s face it. There are many Sacred Journeys with various facilitators available out there and new ones cropping up all the time. Why choose me, Nancy Joy?

Only your heart can really answer that question. For me, it is always a coming together of an open doorway through a trusted source and a feeling in my heart that guides my way and I have never been disappointed. My heart doesn’t always lead me on the easiest path, but it does always create the perfect opportunity for me to grow, learn, and heal. Here are some feelings and thoughts on my journeys that may help you understand where I am coming from and if this journey is the one for you.

In general, I feel many Spiritual Seekers come to Egypt, Peru, the Yucatan, or Glastonbury because somewhere in their hearts they remember their connection to their ancient homeland. These people are attuned to energies and can feel the vortex of unique energies that vibrate at a sacred site such as the Pyramids and Temples along the Nile. Many are very consciously advanced and are healers, facilitators and teachers of Spiritual wisdom already.

The common thread is that these people are seeking themselves in the deepest way possible. They have shifted and believe that we are all Creator Gods here to heal ourselves, our race, and our planet. By coming together and joining hearts with others drawn to the same experience, you create a field of expansion that opens doorways that might otherwise remain tightly closed. It is also about creating new templates and activating and energizing grids already in place.

Every trip has an intention and a purpose, even if that is not clear in the beginning. Heartlights journeys are organic in nature. There is no Guru. I hold a heart space for incredible shifts to occur in every group and each individual. Sometimes it is not until near the very end that we all realize what has occurred for us personally and as a whole. All the ceremonies are created by the group in many ways – changing as we change. They are usually very spontaneous – based on collective energies at any given site. All the gifts and talents in the group are not only honored but incorporated into the whole. There is a group meeting everyday to share our feelings and experiences and to help each other move through the inevitable feelings and lessons that our sacred adventure has in store for us. My journeys are relatively small in nature, with as few as 7 and never more than 20 so far.

To Love It All is my passionate service to myself and the planet. Both the darkness and the light are one in the heart. As I am guided to bring this clarity and consciousness to various places on our planet, I am encoding the sacred sights to vibrate from this higher consciousness raising the vibration of Earth while at the same time the frequencies of the sites are interacting with our individual and group energies. This always opens up new doorways of expansion. If you are drawn to participate, it is because you are assisting in this important grid work, as well as your own journey of initiation. Wherever I go, the truth of my heart and feelings shall speak, inviting you to join me and do the same!

So, my friends here on our earth walk, in the end you will know if this is the journey you are being called to take. I hope our paths may cross one day, and, in the meantime, follow your heart wherever it may lead.

In Lak’ech
Nancy Joy Hefron

It was just any other January day for me in Iowa. It happened to be a Wednesday and a fairly busy client day. Towards late afternoon I was winding down in my office and my thoughts were traveling ahead to a Caucus meeting for Dennis Kucinich supporters I planned to attend that evening. My husband Mark was out of town on a business trip and things were quiet. The phone rang as I was putting the finishing touches on my daily notes and a fairly lengthy discussion followed with a friend over a project we were involved in. During this chat, my cell phone rang. Without interrupting our conversation, I checked to see who was calling and made a mental note to call back, setting the cell next to my computer.

About a half an hour later, I was on my way down to the barn to feed our herd (four horses) and barn kitties their evening meal. My mind was somewhat preoccupied with the evening plans and the phone call that I had just completed as I went mindlessly through my barn chores. As is always the case, the animals are my healers, friends and companions so it wasn’t long before I was patting soft noses and chatting with all my four legged buddies. One of my three barn kitties is more of a loner and his bed is located on top of our hay bales. The other two are firm friends and share a bed on the workbench. As I was heading out the door and ready to turn out the light, I noticed Scout eyeing me from his bed on top of the hay. Feeling he may just need a pat and a little attention, I climbed up the staggered bales along the side of the pile and curled up with him for a bit.

After a time, I readied myself to move along as I noticed that the sun was setting quickly now. I remember actually thinking at this point, Nancy you can climb down the side of the bales as you came up or you can just let yourself easily down right where you are. So, as I have done in the past, I scooted to the edge of the bales on my butt and began to let myself down. The final drop is not more than three or four feet, not very far at all. As I hit the ground I heard several snaps in my leg and fell to the ground.

On my God! I screamed. In that moment I knew that my leg had broken. I rolled over on the ground and tried to lift my leg up. It felt numb. As I lifted it up, I saw to my sheer terror that it was hanging sideways about four inches above my ankle. The tears came, the pain hit and waves of fear shot through me. I reached for my cell phone, which is usually hooked to my waist and it wasn’t there. I clearly saw it sitting on my desk next to my computer. The screams grew loader and the words more emotionally honest.

Shit!!! Fuck!!! Damn It!! Oh no, Oh no, Oh No! I yelled to the horses, cats and my collie Merlin who always accompanies me to the barn for dog treats. I started self-talking out loud at that point.

This is really very bad, I cried. Our barn is a good 1/8-mile from our house up a pretty substantial hill. I knew Mark would not be home for 24 hours and I also knew I could cry and scream until the cows came home and no one would hear me. No one I knew would think anything amiss if I was out of contact for a day or two. I was stuck and I knew it. I tried to hold onto something and stand but there was no way. I collapsed in a pile on the barn floor and just sobbed. So many emotions all at one time. I was hurt, angry and very frightened. I knew to just allow the waves of feelings to wash over me. I even connected then with my little inner child and told her I was sorry. After that, I felt slightly better and a new sense of clarity seemed to prevail. Something in me knew this was up to me and me alone. If I didn’t want to lay in pain for the next 24 hours in the dead of winter, I had to do something and do it right then as night was quickly falling.

As I tried to hold my flopping leg in place, I realized that I couldn’t go anywhere while that was hanging and I could feel the bones hitting against each other. Any other time this may have grossed me out but, at that moment, I knew something had to be done. I began to rip pieces of wood from the pallets on which the hay bales sat. Then I took my scarf and attempted to create somewhat of a splint. I was successful enough that my creative endeavors helped, but I still needed to hold the whole splint in place with my left hand. So, crawling, hopping and rolling were out of the question. I took my right leg and pushed my butt backwards towards the barn door. I was able to scoot a foot or so. This was encouraging so I did that a few more times. I quickly realized how exhausting and painful this was going to be. I had to stop and breath and then begin again. Dragging myself across the barn floor, I finally arrived at the door. As I looked up the hill toward the house, my heart sank. It seemed so far away and impossible. I was afraid. I honestly did not know if I could make it. But the adrenalin kicked in and I scooted another few feet.

I was aware of so many things on that long, difficult journey up the hill to get help. I connected with the horses. They knew something was terribly wrong. At various times during the next hour that it took me to make it to the house, one horse or another would stand vigil holding the space for me. Ears forward, eyes intently on me, I could feel each one send me energy and a knowing of strength that only a horse can understand. They were my sentinels, my guardians. The cats did not approach me, which I found interesting because, under other circumstances, they are such awesome healers. My collie, Merlin, on the other hand, was not only no help but his main concern was the biscuit he usually gets after I feed the horses. He didn’t seem to understand that I was in trouble or if he did, he was playing the role of showing me that I had to do this on my own. At one point, in frustration I yelled to him, Lassie get help. Timmy has fallen in the well! He just sat there looking at me. I burst out laughing which then shifted once again to tears.

Yes, that was it of course. Nancy Joy, the consummate people person had made a soul choice to set up a scary and painful situation and find herself without her usual support team. I am aware that while being a people person is my gift, I also hide from myself by surrounding myself with people. Although that pattern has changed over the years as I have grown more conscious, I must have decided to bring up every fear I had been living in my life during that hour. I was so alone and abandoned. Logically of course, I knew that my husband and friends were still there and that they loved me, but emotionally and physically there was only me. I would reflect on this fear many times during my hospital stay, surgery and recovery. ” Just how often I have been afraid to be alone with just me,” would play like an old life movie through my mind during the very still days to follow. That is not to say that I am not comfortable with my still and silent times connecting with source but I am talking about my everyday 3D life. I can leave this plane and travel the inner universes alone in complete comfort. It is in the here and now that the aloneness frightens me.

I scooted now five or six feet between each rest period. The rest periods became times of integration as well as regeneration. I was acutely aware that I had chosen a profound initiation and as I tuned into my deeper wisdom, I clearly understood that I had made a choice at that moment on top of the hayloft. I had decided that rather than move slowly and safely on my way, I would jump directly into the lessons I was working on and bring them painfully to my attention. As this awareness came to me, I could see more and more of my uphill struggle and I knew, eventually, I would integrated all the pain and fear with understanding. During the journey, I continued to struggle as I found it very difficult to focus in the present moment. . Each time I was ready to scoot again, my thoughts kept wandering and my feelings surging. I have always taught people on my spiritual journeys to focus as we have climbed pyramids and ruins around the world. I explain that it is imperative not to look up or down but to stay totally focused in the present with each step. That night I realized that it was much easier to accomplish this feat climbing a pyramid than scooting up a hill on a cold January night abandoned and alone while holding an extremely painful leg.

I did fairly well until I would loose my focus and start concentrating on the outcome or how much further I had go. I thought of the ER and what would happen there. I wondered if I would have to have surgery. I worried about my recovery and if I would need to cancel my upcoming retreat and dolphin trip. At those points, I would find myself begin to cry and the fear would overwhelm me again. Later, I recalled that living in the future was the reason I did not remember to take my cell phone off my desk. I was too busy planning what was coming later in the evening and reliving my past conversation with my friend. I am now keenly aware how little of our lives we spend focused on what is going on in a present moment. The path of this initiation permeated all my actions and thoughts. I didn’t understand all its ramifications at the time, but I was aware even in those moments that this was a huge cosmic step for me.

In my drugged stupor later in the hospital after everyone had left me alone, I remember feeling an awesome wash of love for myself embrace me. I remember thinking how incredible this journey was. I was joyful. That feeling was not to last and, of course, there were many painful and frustrating lessons ahead but it was a benchmark and one that keeps returning me to balance. It was a cosmic moment of divine love and understanding for my choice. It was and is a profound recognition of my power and consciousness.

That evening as I continued up the hill, I realized that I had created an even more difficult situation just to make sure I really understood the power of this initiation. Every door in the house was locked with the exception of the driveway door, which was clear on the far side of the house from the barn over a stone driveway. I still had a long and difficult distance to go. My logical mind was busy trying to figure out other less tedious options but, in the end, I found myself scooting over the driveway rocks as the sky turned its final shade of dark.

Finally, I made it through the garage, up the steps and into the house. Not done yet, I continued all the way through the house to our bedroom where the only phone I could pull down lived on our dresser. As I knocked the phone down, I lay back and just took in the moment before dialing. It was poignant with all that lay ahead of me and all that I had accomplished in the past hour.

Very shortly after that moment, I had connected with two wonderful friends who picked up the ball and just took care of me. When I heard the door open and my first friend had arrived, I sunk into relief. As we drove to the hospital the pain and shakes set in and I just allowed them to come. I finally felt safe and no longer alone.

The ER, surgery and hospital stay blurred around me over the next four days. I was heavily sedated and images came and went. I was very aware of lots of color and beautiful flowers in my room. Friends filled the spaces as I drifted in and out of awareness. It was like a parade of beautiful nurturing souls continually arriving and leaving. I would close my eyes for a moment with one group of friends and open them to another. All of these friends were beautiful healers and they laid hands on me, and sent me healing love and energy. One friend was a guardian angel during that day before surgery. Every time I opened my eyes, there she was taking care of me. Although I was in pain, I felt as if I were in a womb of loving protection the entire time. I felt so incredibly blessed during those days and the ones immediately following that I understood my broken leg brought a new depth of understanding about who I am into my life.

The next few weeks at home were hard ones for me, as Nancy Joy the healer and caretaker could do almost nothing for herself. My husband took on twice his daily load and friends came with meals, ran errands and helped us both so much. Lots of frustration and anger came my way also. I did not like being incapacitated. I hated asking for help, as I have always been so independent. My husband was angry too and felt over whelmed. I felt such compassion for all those who deal daily with limitation and restriction. New understandings of others and myself were constantly streaming in. I was changing and I wondered what that would mean in my life.

Today, I am six weeks into my healing and doing very well. As I write this story, I am aware that I have faced and danced with three major life fears I did not even know I had until that January evening. The fear of abandonment, the fear of failure and the fear of living in the present! I see them now as alive and affecting my life. Am dancing with them and embracing the lessons they bring. I am also aware of how much of my self worth and identity is wrapped up in what I do for others and how difficult it is for me to ask for help. I feel I have literally broken away an old foundation that no longer supported me. I am growing new bone as I am growing new inner strength. More will unfold as the days continue into months and months into years, but I am forever changed by my journey up the hill to find myself.

* A special thanks to all my friends and family who reached out to me during this time. I especially want to thank the Quantum Healing practitioners who brought my fears to light for me to embrace and heal.

Those of us on a conscious Spiritual journey would probably agree that we have been stuck in a world of duality that sees itself through the collective consciousness as black or white/good or bad. Yet, deep inside our hearts we know that nothing is inherently good or bad because we see the world through different lenses.  We understand the value of lessons and are working very hard to shift the patterns in our DNA that keep us in judgment. And, yet they are there aren’t they, our opinions and feelings about this thing or that person?

 As my travel coordinator Diane and I planned the Heartlights Spring 2006 journey to Egypt, we were guided to use the ancient funerary glyph seen all over our ancient homeland and often called ‘The Weighing of the Heart’ or ‘The Judgment.’  The scene depicts the god Anubis leading the deceased into the underworld where the god Thoth (wisdom keeper) records the person’s deeds and then the goddess Ma’at (truth) weighs the heart of this person against their deeds during their lifetime.  If their deeds prove heavy when weighed against their hearts, they must return again to the physical plane. If, on the other hand, the heart balances their deeds, the deceased moves on to dwell with Isis and Osiris into what we may call heaven or what they call the after life.  This seems to raise the question in our modern day world’what is the sacred truth of our deeds and who really is the judge? So we were guided to call our journey ‘Revealing Your Sacred Truth.’

 After personally experiencing seven journeys to Egypt, there are two things I know for sure. The first is that minute you open the doorway for the journey, the Egyptian codes in your cellular memory light up and begin to pull towards you the many lessons and experiences that will best assist you in your healing.  Secondly, the name given to the journey becomes deeply personal and yet planetary also. Each person participating experiences what they need individually while at the same time the intention of the group affects planetary templates that are being activated within our own DNA as well as on different grid points on mother earth that we visit.

 That being said, I will begin my story of how I was able on a cellular level to experience some incredible duality and bring these seemingly opposites together as one integrated energy field in my heart. I feel the group accomplished this as well and yet each person in the group had a different experience and healing opportunity that contributed to the collective. Each person’s experience is uniquely there own and I speak only of my experience and its healing affect on me thus universally as well.  We are truly all one.

 This was the first trip since l994 where I returned to Egypt as a single facilitator, without my long time journeying partner, Carol. To begin with I had told myself I was done with Egypt and had not returned since 2002. Yet, four years later, there was a ground swell of interest prompting me to lead an Egyptian journey one more time. So, I put it out there and low and behold, my soul knew it was just the ticket to my healing though my personality resisted.  Eleven of us boarded our flight on March 7t from Chicago O’Hare and our journey had begun.

 As I tuned into our journey, I felt that it was such a great group of conscious people that had gathered to experience the magic and discover their own sacred truth.  I knew in my heart that each one would be afforded the opportunity to heal their wounded hearts and open new doorways to expansion. I felt blessed by each person’s presence and agreement to take this journey.  Egypt is powerful and mystical but she is also a hard taskmaster and can play havoc on any resistance she triggers.

 We had a terrific and somewhat easier flight than others I have experienced and arrived in Cairo to be greeted by the remains of an aggressive sand storm that had been plaguing the city for several days.  Arriving at the Mena House towards bedtime, we retired to our beautiful rooms with the energy of the Great Pyramid enfolding us. The next day we spent exploring Cairo and bonding as a group.

 The following day the wind had lessened leaving the air strangely brownish as sand particles lifted by the storm still lingered. So we headed up on the plateau to provide an opportunity for everyone to experience the great pyramid and sphinx close up and personal.  It was crowded with busloads of school kids and tourists everywhere and to me; it seemed busier and more chaotic than ever. Amidst the confusion, we walked around the circumference of the pyramid, visiting the solar boat museum while all the while fending off the hoards of vendors intent on selling us post cards, stamps, necklaces, miniature camels etc. While vendors are a common experience and can sometimes be annoying, this day our guide, Amro actually had to speak harshly to them. At one point a fight broke out between several vendors claiming us as their territory.

At one point, Diane and I went into a separate temple on the plateau where we encountered a guard who was very aggressive. It seemed the energy on the Plateau this day was, in general, aggressive and very male. Finally we arrived at Chephren, the second pyramid, which was open to the public that day and readied ourselves for the first of many pyramid experiences to come.

We were discussing our first sacred ceremony outside the pyramid, as Amro was making sure we would have as quiet a time as possible.  As we finally entered the pyramid, a large group of adolescent boys were climbing the ramp to exit so I stayed far to the right allowing them space as we stooped down and began our long descent into the pyramid’s belly.  The further into the pyramids we went, the louder and more congested the ramp became.  The boys were shouting and pushing, their testosterone running ramped.  It felt as if I was moving the group through a huge force of discordant and very masculine energy pushing against us as we stepped forward. Finally arriving at the mid-point where a chamber permitted us to stand erect, I waited as one by one my travelers emerged from the harrowing experience.  I have been in Chephren many times but never had such a discordant entry as this one was. As all eleven of us gathered in the chamber the noise receded out the exit and things quieted down as we caught our breaths and commented on our opening pyramid adventure.  

Next we climbed upwards into the burial chamber and emerged into a large, mostly dark room with a stone sarcophagus at the far end.  As the group gathered around me looking for direction a deep grief moved through my body.  My past partner, Carol, had usually led many of our rituals and the scenes of past trips ran through my memory bank. I just sat breathing deeply for a long time until I found my voice and began. In the end tears flowed and I felt both the joy of a new beginning and the grief of the loss of my friend. That was the beginning of my awareness that both things were true at the same time! I would soon come to understand the perfection of allowing the opposites to become real in my heart. I felt the magic release as goose bumps and healing began to become cellular. As it turns out, it would follow me through our journey.

The next day our first stop was at the Temple of Saqqara which some say represents the throat charka.  There is a ceremony commonly done at this temple to activate the voice and open the throat.  I have a very easygoing way with ceremony and if the doors open for the group in a particular place, we create the ceremony.  If there are crowds or other groups in that area, all being in divine order, we move on. Usually the guards and tourists police are very cooperative and respectful. On this day, however, the opposite was true.  We waited as a French group completed touring the area and then quietly and without fan-fare we began our ceremony, which involved each person going through three chambers, toning in each one and then moving up a set of stairs completing the initiation.

As the fourth person was ready to begin, a tourist’s policeman came literally screaming at us to stop and shouting that this was not allowed.  Amro tried to calm him and offered payment, which is the Egyptian custom.  The more calmly we responded to him the more aggressive he became. He began to literally go into the several chambers where women in our group were toning and literally remove them. Interestingly he left the one male completely alone to continue. The group responded with understanding and without escalating the scene, we quietly moved on. Once again aggressive male energy sought to pull us into disruption but to no avail.  Both things at once were true again, anger was activating in the same space as calm.  I can’t speak for anyone else but for me, I felt magic was created once again.  I held no residual judgment or emotional charge from the experience.

We boarded the overnight train that evening and headed south to Aswan to continue our journey.  Once we left Cairo the whole energy we encountered shifted. From this point on everything seemed to open us for us and flow. It was amazing as I observed how very little struggle we encountered at the rest of the temples we visited.  Sanctuaries normally packed with tourists emptied as we approached.  Over and over again pathways opened for us to do our ceremonies in the most incredible and sacred spaces unimpeded or so it seemed. From this point on I began to notice the energy in our group shifted also.  I could feel individual lessons surfacing for each person.  As with every group I have worked with, differences in personality began to trigger ancient wounds: for some very subtle: for others more obvious and pronounced.  Now the disruptions seemed to come from within, by this I mean within each person.

One thing most of my readers know is that my work on this planet involves cracking open these hidden wounded places and assisting as each person is given the opportunity to go deeper into their own initiations.  Therefore we do group circle as often as possible on the journey to share, grow together and process. As those who read my Hawaii story know, often times the biggest wound is my own. I believe that is why my soul has led me into this field, to heal myself.

I was able not to take this shifting within the group as personal reflection but to concentrate on my own healing and hold the space for each person’s experience.  At one point in Luxor we decided to take a hot air balloon ride over the West Bank, which was incredibly wonderful.  Interestingly enough, we landed in a garbage dump in the dessert!  Then, our van got stuck in the sand and we had to walk over the garbage to another van to make our way out. Years ago my emotional teacher once said to me, ‘Nancy, if you are standing in garbage, pick it up. It is yours.’ I have never forgotten that and it certainly seemed appropriate now.  In retrospect I believe that the garbage is our judgment and the journey our egos take us on until we can surrender and walk through it. One again both things are true.  As a group, we were bonded and loving in many ways and yet each individual had their own stuff, opinions and feelings working with them to push them into their garbage as well as their truth.

It isn’t necessary to go into anybody’s individual journeys here. I do invite each traveler to share his or her story. The important journey is my own. Throughout the day that followed, I continued to dredge up painful memories and sweet memories of Egypt journey’s past.  I felt as if I had returned to integrate all my experience into a beautiful tapestry. I literally fell apart at the Temple of Hatshepsut remembering the tourists who had been killed there and my healing with their guide some years ago.  Everywhere I went memories surfaced both ancient and modern. I felt as if I was finally able to put together more of my pieces.  We returned to Alexandria where my crystal heart bowl had shattered all by itself in the Temple of Serapis, again the grief and the understanding. And so it continued for me everywhere. Even within the group, I felt the love and connection while at the same time feeling the discord and discomfort.  Both things were true. And it was perfect.

One day while waiting to use the rest room at the Temple of Abydos, I encountered a woman named Isis who I had met on my first trip to Egypt in l994.  At that time she approached me at Saqqara and told me I was one of her priestesses taking me on a shamanic journey to my Egyptian past. The thing I remembered most about her is that she disappeared as she was talking to me and then reappeared again. That was my first otherworldly experience in Egypt and many continue to follow. I also recalled that I looked for her the rest of that journey in our group and never found her again. (There were over 200 people in that group!) So here she shows up at Adydos and tells me that her group is suppose to be in the Great Pyramid at Equinox the same time we are scheduled. Coincidence’of course not.

I have learned to follow the clues and walk through the open doors my soul creates for me no matter how uncomfortable they may be so I shared with Armo first and then with the group.  She suggested our two groups meet together to share since obviously we are doing similar work on a planetary level. She also said she had information for me.  I filled the group in and then a really interesting dance of feelings, judgments and opinions set in.  Isis became the catalyst for mounting tension triggering each person, including myself, into his or her feelings.

As the days continued moving closer toward Equinox, Isis and I began a dance of trying to connect with each other and always just missing each other. We wrote notes at the hotels where we were staying and left messages.  This frustrated the group as I kept attempting to open a space for the two groups to join.  Finally, I spoke with Isis when we returned to Cairo and she told me that they had been rescheduled to the day before Equinox in the Great Pyramid.  She felt that we were to complete the template they were laying. I stayed open to her information but did not attach myself to it as truth. We set up a dinner for both groups at her hotel for the evening between their visit to the pyramid and our own.  By this time our group was pretty divided in their feelings about Isis. Some chose to join us that evening and others didn’t.  Then even the dinner created more emotional energy among those who attended. The triggers were potent.

It was interesting for me as I watched everyone wrestle with his or her feelings.  She asked me to sit by her so she could explain what she had to share. I listened with interest and learned a great deal too. I held my own field for my sacred truth. By the end of the night, the different triggers surfaced in our group: Some were curious; others were really drawn to her; some felt ignored and betrayed; and others just had a wonderful time sharing with her very wonderful group of people and taking in the experience:  One dinner experienced many different ways as it moved through each emotional field triggering just the perfect response.

I realized that a few years back, I would have felt this situation was pulling our group apart but, instead, I was drawn to just allow this to unfold and appreciate the perfection. Once again, all things were true and perfect for each person and the planet.  By the time we began our last day on the Plateau for our Equinox ceremony, I could feel the discordant energy and the pain behind it. It wasn’t comfortable for me, but I did accept it.  Fortunately, Amro was able to arrange private time between the paws of the sphinx for us before our time in the Great Pyramid.  It was here I felt the true magic of alchemy. Suddenly the Sphinx energy moved within me and I requested the group to circle. I felt She’sup Ank (her actual name and she is a woman) work through me as I requested each person to join hearts. I felt her heart beat within my chest at that moment.  She asked everyone to put a hold on his or her judgments and opinions and feel her heart beat. She then led a beautiful ceremony ending with each person touching hearts and connecting gazes as we moved around the circle weaving her healing heart into our own.  Then, most beautiful of all, the whole group sang to each person one by one of their love. As I watched and felt each person surrender and move into love, true alchemy was created.

I was aware as we climbed the hill toward the Pyramid that, for the time being, we were one connected heart and at the same time unresolved feelings still existed to be our teachers. Both things were true and both things were very sacred. I felt the magic of true integration.  And, then as I approached the King’s Chamber, I heard beautiful flute music being played in this most awesome sound chamber in the world. This was unusual.

As usually happens, the energy of the King’s Chamber takes hold of each person as they travel into their own sacred space. I was one of the last to enter and I noticed Amro talking to a young woman holding a flute who appeared quite agitated. He was trying to explain to her that it was past time for the tourists to leave and that we had paid for private time. She seemed to not understand him yet he spoke to her in several different languages. I invited her to join us if she would become one with group and not play flute during our ceremony. She didn’t answer me and walked toward the door. Feeling as if she had left, I continued with the tasks at hand. The lights and generator were turned off as stillness and darkness swallowed us. During this initiation each person had individual time in the sarcophagus to tone or meditate creating their own experience as they were guided. This is always a special, individual and sacred time. I have witnessed amazing transformations for people over the years, including several of my own!

At some point as people entered the sarcophagus, flute music began to play. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I thought perhaps the woman had gone into the Grand Gallery or the Queen’s Chamber. I found this annoying and I felt there was a deliberate agenda in place. I had to stay focused on the group and guide the ceremony so I didn’t dwell in that feeling for long.  I let it drop, but I did notice that she played during some of the group’s sacred time and not others.  I seemed to feel she left the men in silence and played as the woman entered but I am not too sure about that.  Whatever she was doing felt purposeful. At one point I walked over to the far corner of the chamber to get one woman for her turn and as I did, I saw the flute player crouched down behind the sarcophagus playing her flute. Anger flashed through me momentarily as my body responded to the boundary violation then just as suddenly my heart responded and felt sweetness in her and I began to cry.  As I embraced both feelings, once again my body responded at the cellular level.

There is much more to this experience for me but as we concluded our turns in the sarcophagus, I went over and took her hand helping her to her feet.  She asked me in perfect English who we were and what was the purpose of our group.  As we shared, I felt as if I was talking to a different person, one who was open and responsive. Her name was Sylvan. She was an Italian woman who had been living in Taos, New Mexico for the past five years. Obviously she had understood everything that was explained to her. Curious. After our closing circle, she and I embraced and walked hand-and-hand out of the pyramid, descending through the Grand Gallery and out onto the plateau. 

Sylvan asked if we could give her a ride off the plateau as the police were yelling at us for being there long after closing time. This is a game they play, pretending they had no idea we were still inside the pyramid and acting as if they were not handsomely paid for the privilege. As she departed the bus at the bottom of the hill, she took my card and waved good-bye to the group.  As we all began to share it seems the opinions and response to her presence in our ceremony were just as varied as each person response to Isis.  Everyone had his or her opinion and feelings. I knew there was something major for me in her presence but I wasn’t too clear on that yet.

As our last evening together in Egypt drew to a close, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place for me. We were completing a specific activation in the Great Pyramid and Sylvan was there to disrupt it whether intentional or coincidental. Ezekiel told me she was mind controlled and it was the integration of the dualities that occurred for me once again that completed the mission for me.  When I shared my experience with Isis later that evening, she told me she was there to sabotage our work and that, as a strong leader, I should have expelled her from the chamber immediately.  Then there were those in the group who were transported by our muse and her flute. Still others were agitated that she intruded on their scared time. A few seemed not even aware of her at all.

As we shared on our way to the airport early the next morning the feelings and opinions were flying.  In my heart and for me personally, all those feelings were valid and true for each person.  It was not Sylvan’s presence one-way or another that mattered; it was each person’s individual journey. My own leap from anger to acceptance and into compassion was clear to me.  The duality of emotions in the group represented the duality of emotions within my own being and on our planet.  It is where we are all stuck even though we know it isn’t the answer. My sacred truth moved me into a space that felt like a tremendous accomplishment inside the Great Pyramid that Spring Equinox afternoon. I felt the grid which was activated, was the realignment of our tendency to judge something as right or wrong/ good or bad when our sacred selves know that all feelings are real and when they can be acknowledged at the same time and brought into compassion true integration occurs.  I am far from saying I do not move into judgment, opinions and difficult feelings regarding people or events in my life, but I know now on a cellular level that the doorway out of this dualistic pain we constantly find ourselves in is the ability to allow ourselves to stay open, not form an opinion, move through judgment and accept that both things as true.  A coin has two opposite sides called often ‘heads’ or ‘tails.’ Both sides exist simultaneously to create the whole.  Only when we focus on one side or another do we create duality or choice between one and another. Most of the time we just spend the whole coin.

So much more happened during this magical and very healing experience for me but if I had to distill my journey down to one over riding truth for me, it would be that I felt and understood in my deepest sacred place that my truth lies in understanding the integrated whole and yet appreciating the value of its different parts without attaching to them. The ‘The Judgment’ glyph explained at the beginning of this article ties it all together for me.  Each god or goddess represents a part of us.  It is the dark and scary parts of ourselves that takes us into the underworld (Anubis) to uncover the truth of our journey. As we take ourselves apart, the heart is separated and weighed against our deeds by Ma’at the goddess of truth. It is our own judgment of our hearts that brings us into healing.  Thoth records our deeds.  To me he is that part of us that pulls apart the experiences of our lives and makes sense of them.     Isis and Osiris represent the mother and father (our male and female.) In truth, no one is judging us but ourselves.

You don’t have to travel to Egypt to discover your sacred truth.  It is all the parts of you longing to be loved and understood, not by others, but by yourself!  By embracing all the parts: dark and unknown as well as the joyous and light, you integrate into wholeness. Once again, both things are true. May your journey take you to that scared truth wherever your heart may lead you.

Some years back, anger was a fearful emotion to me. As I went through my divorce ending my 23- year marriage, my counselor at the time told me she learned a lot about Spirituality from me. She also said she felt a part of me was missing. She asked me what I had done with all my anger! I told her I felt no anger. After all, I understood the lesson, why be angry. WRONG!!! Her comment bothered me for days. I sought to understand its purpose. Finally I asked Ezekiel to speak to me of the purpose of anger. I then spent a good year understanding my own and how deeply I had it locked away behind my smiley face. Here is what he said. I have found it most helpful during the last five years of emotional healing work.

Anger, dear one, rages at the injustices of unconscious man. It sends energy to create Movement. Just as the earth erupts in anger and rage at her displeasure, so must you erupt also, at the unconscious patterns exerted upon you by any belief in separation. The emotions of anger and rage come from suppressed feelings exploding to create balance and come again into adjustment. There is no need to be angry at the soul trapped in an unconscious pattern, but at those personalities which have so entrapped the children of God. You own inner child is trapped by your unconscious beliefs. Expression of anger and rage when done lovingly and with the best of intentions brings forth needed improved changes to the landscape after a hurricane or tornado, the earth appears ruined. Yet, she is merely creating chaos to bring about change and expansion of her being. A few years later she is more lush and beautiful than before her raging expression changed the landscape. She intends no harm, yet if humans experience her wrath, it is their own lesson they are experiencing.

Undertake to free those feeling within your being and move into joyful expression and integration of them. It will be a freeing experience as it is guided through you transmuting your fears into understanding. Dear ones, see the beauty of allowing the feelings to be experienced without the need to have them control you. The control actually comes through the manipulation of repressed emotions that express themselves as an attack or projection onto another rather than claiming changes within the self.

Many are nearing the point of rage on your planet and, as this happens, humanity will crack the veneer that has fragilely held them hostage through many lifetimes. Know that we are with you and cradle and hold you through this integration of those dark and angry feelings. Claim your anger and experience its movement in your life. You need not direct the energy at anyone Just honor their value and breath those angry feelings into your heart where they can move into compassion and understanding. Release harmlessly and clear the emotional field to integrate the distortions you have been wearing. We bless, love and guide you on your journey into understanding.